It seems Ted Stevens is going to jail, after all...
At a charity event, hosted by the National Press Club in Washington tonight, Attorney-General Eric Holder admitted that the stories that ran earlier today about a DOJ decision to abandon the prosecution of Alaska's former U.S. Senator Ted Stevens were all the product of an elaborate April Fool's Day prank.
Although Sen. Stevens believed that the prosecution was being dropped, the Attorney General said the real target of the joke was the media. Said Holder:
"We wanted to see if we could put one over on the whole press corps -- the whole country. I mean, what's the point of having all this power, if you can't have some fun? Elections have consequences. This is one of them. Face it, you guys got punked...big-time!"
According to Holder, the idea for the prank originated with President Obama himself.
"I told the President that it would be just too cruel, but Barry's got a wicked streak in him. The President said:
"C'mon! It'll be hilarious. Just imagine the old guy's reaction when he finds out it was all just a prank. He'll probably have a heart attack, or a stroke or something.'
Despite the earlier reports -- the story broke this morning on NPR -- Holder said the DOJ had no intention of letting Sen. Stevens off the hook.
"That old man is crooked, through and through. I'd sooner quit this job than let him walk away scot-free."
A-G Holder expressed some surprise that the story was treated so seriously.
"I still can't believe everybody believed we'd let that corrupt bastard go free."
Mr. Holder credited NPR's Nina Totenberg for helping to so effectively realize the April Fool's Day prank.
"Everyone knows that NPR runs an April Fool's story every year. Nina had to really sell this one. She did one helluva job."
Mr. Holder opined that
"This may have been NPR's best April Fools piece."
However, he added,
"Barry -- the President -- really deserves some serious props for this. It was his play, from start to finish."
Chuckling as he left the dais, Holder said
"If he doesn't stroke out tonight, that son of a bitch, Stevens, is going to jail. You can be sure of that."