Having realized too late that "teabagging" - the unfortunate gerund that Conservatives chose to brand their spittle-lipped protest of whatever amorphous terror they're currently ginning up so as not to go the way of the Whigs - has a... well... second, sexualized meaning, Republicans have quickly and deftly announced that April 15th 2009 will be renamed, henceforth to be known as... NATIONAL FISTING DAY!
On Tax Day, Republicans will furiously wrap their fingers around their thumbs and thrust their clenched hands forward, fisting with their mothers and fathers, grandsons and grandaughters in a symbolic gesture reminiscent of the Puritans, who, oppressed by the English, fisted each other almost three centuries ago!
In the most publicized of these acts of civil disobedience, National Fisting Coordinator Richard Seaman announced that FOX news will televise a party from the decks of the Cleveland Steamer, in which 69 members of the related group Martyrs In Lasting Fulmination (or MILF), each donning pearl necklaces, will fist each other while dousing themselves in golden champagne showers at an event sponsored by the Republican Meat Packers Union (appetizers to include steaming hot pork and freshly choked chicken).
"We though about calling it 'Fingering'," Mr. Seaman shouted, extending his middle digit, "But, as my wife will tell you, when pushed to my limits, I can fist with the best of them!"
In related news, the International Society For The Terminology Challenged have issued a state of emergency, sending in counselors in case the Republican Party chooses to follow "National Fisting Day" with "Casual Felching Fridays" or "Patriotic Get A Rim Job Month".