Hello, felldestroyed here, bringing you this week's edition of WYFP!
First, I've got an admission to make: I've not posted any comments on WYFP in quite a few weeks, as most of my problems have only amounted to petty nonsensical irritants.
This week, my problem is... well, my problem is myself.
Let me backtrack a bit. During February 28th's edition of WYFP, I posted a comment indicating my acceptance to San Francisco State University, which I will be attending this fall. Yes, finding housing and work are still problems for me, especially because employment opportunities in my neck of the woods (Redding, CA) are limited for... everyone, really, and it's never a good idea to move into a place without employment already secured. I have money right now, don't get me wrong, but nearly all of it comes from state and federal financial aid.
However, that's not what worries me now. What worries me is my own sense of complacency. My main fear upon clicking on that button to declare my intent to enroll was that all of a sudden everything would be jinxed. My grades would suddenly plummet, and that would be the end of it.
My last barrier to enrollment is the completion of my math class, Statistics. I took it last semester, got the units, but unfortunately only earned a D. This semester hasn't worked out much better, but this year I have a different instructor who takes a more no-nonsense approach, which, considering my sometimes leisurely approach to my studies, is just what I need.
Every self-reassurance uttered comes in some form of "It'll only be a jinx if you let it."
In addition, I was lucky to get in to begin with. A few years back, I jumped at the chance to attend Chico State, if only because it looked to be my only chance to leave my hometown. I was admitted as a Journalism student, but changed my mind halfway through the next semester after completing an introductory communications class (I decided that Journalism was too demoralizing for someone as depressed as I was at the time), and decided to switch to Theatre Arts, if only because my (very limited) experience in acting had left me with a favorable impression of it.
Foolishly, I didn't think about the commitment necessary to really succeed as a Theatre Arts major, and in any event, I proved to be more interested in going to local punk rock shows and interning at the campus radio station than running lines for auditions and in-class exercises, doing character analyses for my introductory acting class, etc. To add insult to injury, I failed every single class in my new major.
Thus, I was extremely lucky to be admitted anywhere last fall (I ended up meeting the threshold for admission by two-hundredths of a grade point), and I was admitted to three schools. I jumped at the chance to go to attend San Francisco State (sometimes the first choice ain't the best choice, and mine was San Jose State), and will be attending in the Fall 2009 semester as a Sociology major--if I don't get complacent and play my cards right.
I do suppose that my situation is some kind of cosmic punishment for making bad financial and academic decisions at Chico State, but that would be too easy an excuse. The reason I dropped the ball so horrendously is because I let myself. And in the end, I wonder if I will let myself drop the ball again, or recognize this opportunity for what it is and get my act together.
And with that, I ask everyone here: What's Your Fucking Problem?
UPDATE: I don't know if this is the appropriate place for it, but thanks to everyone for getting this edition of WYFP on the Rec list! It's my first time in the company of the Recommended.