Hello Mr. Ailes.
I am a representative of a growing nationwide grassroots movement demanding the truth about how the United States conducted interrogation of its lawful prisoners and imploring our elected officials to correct these gross ethical shortcomings in the good name of the United States of America. Simply put, we are mad as hell and horrified at the atrocities that have been authorized or condoned by our elected representatives.
This is why I seek your assistance.
I am well aware of the awesome success of the National Tea Parties held recently. It's obvious that the grassroots teabaggers would not have enjoyed a fraction of their success without your news division's organizational assistance and round the clock promotion. My fellow citizens and I find ourselves in much the same situation as our bretheren tea baggers last week. We are relegated to simplistic petitions, phone calls, letters, videos and a sense of justice to drive home our message. So far it is not enough to resonate with the rest of the American populace. We are in dire need of corporate sponsorship.
I assure you that we have sufficient numbers to make your support worthwhile. We can easily field 250 people in, say, Gilbert, Arizona, if you will help us get our message out. In order to help it resonate we have distilled it to a simple version.
Torture is a criminal act and those who authorize, practice or provide material assistance to its practice are criminally liable.
I know its not quite as resonant as American Taxpayers Are the Jews For Obama's Ovens but we think its straightforward and easy to remember.
Now timing. I realize that we missed Tax day but I feel that there are several opportunities coming up that we can co-opt to strengthen our message. May has lots of days that will bring people people together for common cause. The 1st is of course May Day or Beltaine as well as Silver Star Day and No Pants Day. If you fear that these days already have full dance cards we can try for the 7th. That is the National Day of Reason. Doesn't that sound like a great match? We also have Armed Forces Day on the 16th which also seems a natural fit. After all, we want other nations to treat our servicemen and women with dignity should they ever be captured on a field of battle. We don't want them subjected to hundreds of simulated drownings or sexually assaulted or deprived of sleep for months on end. There are several other days in May also available but I am not sure if National Root Canal Appreciation Day (13th) or Mother's Day (10th) will stick in people's minds as well.
In closing, I appreciate your consideration in helping us drum up some much needed public outrage in regards to how the United States should lead the world in the application of law and how we should clean up our own house before we tell other countries how to fix theirs. If you could get Glenn Beck to cry about it, that would be especially appreciated.
Thank you