Following President Obama’s directive, and reacting to the national protests over paying taxes, the IRS has issued new rules for those who don’t want to pay taxes any more. In order to meet the criteria for the new IRS rules, you must fit the following criteria:
You think Obama raised your taxes (but really cut them, and you are trying to figure out where the extra money in your pay check came from).
You think tyranny is paying taxes, but giving up habeas corpus is patriotic.
You think Obama and Hitler are the same because they are both well spoken.
You think Obama is a terrorist because his middle name is Hussein.
You think the only amendment to the constitution worth dying for is the second.
You think Obama’s tax increases on Americans is class war fare because he only cut taxes on the bottom 95% and he is only trying to appease his base to get votes.
You think the economic melt down started as a result of Obama talking about tax increases on Americans before he was elected.
You think deregulation of all industry will solve the current economic problems, even though the current economic melt down was a direct result of deregulation.
You believe that the United States is now socialist because Obama is president and he wants to reform health care, revise banking regulation, and create more alternative energy.
You think you can spend your money better than the government can, but still want the government to pay for school vouchers, increase military spending, and force public schools to teach “intelligent design” instead of evolutionary biology.
You didn’t mind paying taxes under George Bush because he was a great president.
You think Obama is socialist because in reality the TARP money is taking over the banks.
You have no problem with the government paying trillions of dollars for an unjust war looking for non-existent weapons.
You think the Department of Education should be abolished,
You think paying $140 million dollars for disaster preparedness is a waste of money.
You believe it is President Obama’s fault that the current National debt is over 9 trillion dollars, even though George Bush ran up the deficit much higher than any president before him. (and there has been a national debt since at least 1791.)
You think Obama stole the election, but Norm Coleman is doing his patriotic duty.
You believe President Obama is directly and personally responsible for all abortions - ever- even though Roe V. Wade was decided in 1973, when he was age 12.
You believe Barack Obama was born in Kenya, and there is a conspiracy to hide is real birth status.
You think Ronald Reagan was a great communicator, but Barack Obama is just an empty suit reading a teleprompter.
You think the DHS right wing extremism memo was aimed at you.
You think centrists are the ones calling for armed revolt against the government, and it is your patriotic duty to join in.
Dead cold fingers, and all that.
Global warming is a hoax, and the snow storm we had in the middle of winter proves it. In order to address our energy needs, we need to drill here, drill now, drill everywhere.
You think you have a god given right to drive a hummer, but high speed rail is a waste of time and uses up presious oil.
You think it is right for the NSA to spy on congressmen.
You believe Rush, Bill, Glenn, Sean, Hugh, Ann and Michelle, when they say it’s the liberal media’s fault. (What ever “it” is.)
New IRS rules for those that don’t want to pay taxes.
If you don’t want to pay taxes, you must now follow these new rules.
In order to increase military spending, you must buy weapons and donate them to the branch of your choice. You may also join the military yourself, but you must bring your own weapons. Preference given to those who can bring their own weapons including:
F22A Raptor = $139,000,000
Ford class aircraft carrier = $8 Billion
M1 Abrams tank – $4,300,000
If your house catches fire, you have a choice. Put the fire out your self, or pay the fire department before they start to fight the fire.
You must pay full school tuition starting at Kindergarten.
You are now responsible for maintaining the street in front of your house. You may charge a toll, but you will be required to repair any car that is damaged due to lack of street maintenance. You will also be required to shovel the streets yourself.
You will be required to inspect any bridge you cross before you cross it, to ensure it is safe.
Your employer will no longer paying any part of your health insurance, due to abolishing the tax break for it, and you are now responsible for all your own medical bills no matter how old, how sick, or even if you have insurance.
You will now be required to pay an admission charge to all “public” lands, including town parks, state and national parks, state and national monuments, state and national forest land.
Since industry will now be regulating itself. You must test products to ensure product safety for you and your family. Good luck on keeping your test lab up to date, and finding all the food contaminants, lead in toys, melamine in baby formula and formaldehyde in insulation and stones in your butter.
Even though you may expect lower costs on utilities, they will increase because they are no longer regulated.
You will be totally responsible for your own retirement and any other post employment needs, including unemployment.
You may want to get a good water filter, or test your water yourself to ensure you always get clean tap water.
Since you no longer want to have financial markets regulated, we suggest you keep your money under your bed.