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(Courtesy of Galaxy Glue)

(Courtesy of A-Pea News Service)

    In a move described as "ginormastounding" by perplexed Politico pundits, RNC head Remington Mike Steele announced that he would attempt to put crazed killer Phil Spector into the United States Senate as soon as possible (e.g., if Robert Byrd drops dead) to counterbalance the defection of "The Senator Formerly Known as a Republican" Arlen Specter of Pennsylvania to another party.
    "He's his brother, right? and if he campaigns in Philly, he can call himself 'Philly Phil'! sort of like 'Flavor Flav'!!" explained the brilliant GOP chief, as fellow Gooper Rep. Michele Bachmann cheered him, "You STILL be da man!!" while some confused little boys admired her backwards baseball cap, legwarmers, and silver lame lamé disco clothing.
    Asked for comment about his new political career, Mr. Spector hummed a few notes of an old Ronettes song and then attempted to bite off the reporter's ear with his gleaming five-inch fangs.

(more below)

    In other entertainment-and-politics-related news, Barack Obama supporter and professional wrestler Hulk Hogan was spotted entering a jacuzzi at a tony Washington hotel--inspired by his adventures in putting tanning lotion on his own daughter Brooke??--, a jacuzzi already occupied by Meghan McCain, daughter of the Arizona senator. As a gawking spy from Gawker snidely noted to our news service, Mr. Hogan then "attempted some vigorous two-handed 'interparty outreach'."
    Our source further revealed that Hogan limped away from the pool, cursing, and that "Hogan had a daughter, but he may not be able to have any more children after this."

    A spokesman for the President noted that even though what Ms. McCain did to Mr. Hogan would legally qualify as torture, the government would not prosecute her, as there are some things they just do not bother to prosecute.

Originally posted to David Boyle on Tue Apr 28, 2009 at 08:45 PM PDT.

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