I know, I'm probably supposed to wait for the Kososphere to vote on this fella's name, but one name feels so natural to me, I want to broadcast it all over the world.
Meet Buster.
"Buster" is a nickname, short for the scientific name Filibuster obstructor, a common species of Goposaur. But it also alludes, appropriately, to his penchant for busting up other people's stuff.
Goposaurs, of course, are primitive, backward-looking reptiles, believed to be on a path to extinction, owing to their inability to adapt to a changing environment. Filibuster obstructor is a well-known species, known for its impressive size and ability to get in the way. But there are others whose existence is well documented, including:
- Tyrannosaurus imperator, unshakable in its belief that it's the leader of the animal kingdom. Known for its secretive habits, such as its fondness for hiding out in undisclosed locations, and for its exploitation of weaker species.
- Negosaurus, which prowls the wilds, bellowing and stomping on anything it doesn't like (like Filibuster, but with less dignity). Thanks to its thick, plated hide, it's nearly invulnerable to predators, the elements and common sense.
- Fuckstuffupagus, a stupid, brutal and clumsy mastodon-like beast that appears to be a degenerate offshoot of the gentle and intelligent elephant, rather than the latter having evolved from the former, as is usually presumed. Because of its shaggy brown coat, Fuckstuffupagus is sometimes casually referred to as "Brownie."
- Ptentrevivyl, a fierce species that travels in flocks and has no fear of extinction, thanks to its belief that it will be whisked to safety in the "Velocirapture." Nasty and merciless to other species, especially in the presence of others of its kind. (Some researchers have theorized an evolutionary link to the common basilisk, but critics point out that Ptentrevivyl's resemblance to the basilisk is superficial at best, while members of the species itself reject the theory of evolution.)
Goposaurs dominated the landscape during the Recent Cretinaceous Period, but a recent surge in the numbers of warm-blooded creatures (most Goposaurs are cold-blooded, though the blood of Ptentrevivyl tends to run hot) has led to a decrease in their numbers. DNA matching shows many genetic similarities between Goposaurs and elephants, and the latter's fear of mice seems to be generalized in the former to other small mammals, especially rabbits (the leading theory is that Goposaurs are threatened by their sexuality). In fact, Goposaurs show a marked hostility -- possibly motivated by envy -- toward nearly all mammals, with the notable exception of certain species of the family Canidae. Reports that Goposaurs' small cranial capacity is compensated for by a second concentration of nervous tissue in the posterior still await confirmation by further scientific study.
And Buster? He's a particularly photogenic specimen of Goposaur, separated from the herd and trained in public relations. He can put a colorful, smiling face on the Goposaurs' most unpleasant habits: hoarding resources; trampling other species' habitats; poking their noses into others' nests; disrupting other animals' attempts to gather in herds for self-protection (another behavior to which Buster's name alludes); and fouling food and water supplies with enormous piles of feces, while claiming (1) that there is no feces, (2) that it wasn't they who left it there and (3) that everyone else is leaving feces too. He's great entertainment at parties, picnics, holiday gatherings and ballot recount protests. And he's a cute, cuddly reminder that if we don't do something about environmental degradation, climate change and rigid ideology, we may all end up heading the same way he's going.