This evening, I fired off the following email to Harry Reid's Senate office.
My phone should be tapped by morning:
Dear Senator Reid,
Thanks for taking time out from your busy schedule as Village Majority Idiot Leader (okay, I left out the Village Idiot part) to hopefully answer a couple of little questions concerning your responses during Tuesday's press conference.
Specifically, questions about THIS exchange with a reporter:
REID: I'm saying that the United States Senate, Democrats and Republicans, do not want terrorists to be released in the United States. That's very clear.
QUESTION: No one's talking about releasing them. We're talking about putting them in prison somewhere in the United States.
REID: Can't put them in prison unless you release them.
QUESTION: Sir, are you going to clarify that a little bit? ...
REID: I can't make it any more clear than the statement I have given to you. We will never allow terrorists to be released in the United States.
Sen. Harry Reid (D-NV)
Forgive me Senator, but like your questioner, I have no idea what you're talking about, but as a citizen and Democrat (and you being our Senate Majority Leader) Id like to know more.
So with a special thanks to Bob Cesca at the Huffington Post for his legwork and inspiration, here are my questions:
1. Why exactly would the detainees be running free? Is that what you do with your felons in Nevada? If so, I'm canceling my trip to the Bunny Ranch.
2. NO one has ever escaped from a Supermax prison. Do these prisoners assume super powers when removed from Cuban sand (like Superman after he left Krypton)?
3. Zacarias Moussaoui has been incarcerated in a Colorado Supermax since 2006. Has that State been destroyed? We don't get much news from out West around here.
4. Nearly a half million enemy soldiers were detained in 400 low-security US prisons during WWII - Nazis all over the place! Did they escape and take over Nevada?
"First Poland - then Reno?"
Here's an idea: What if we spread the 241 detainees throughout the same 400 prisons? We'd end up with just .6 detainees in each prison. I'd like to see a .6 detainee make a dash for it!
5. Are you afraid the detainees have nuclear weapons hidden up their rectums?
"Rectum! Damn near killed um!"
Sorry - I loved Vaudeville.
But seriously, couldn't Cheney give them Colonoscopies?
I bet he already has.
6. Are you feeling okay? Nightmares? Headaches? Bedwetting?... Right Wing Republican delusions?
If your response to that reporter was serious, may I suggest you take 2 aspirin -
and consider retirement... you worthless piece of shit (I didn't really write that shit part, either).
Signed,
Sincerely Concerned in PA