If you'd asked me 15 minutes ago what the California State Supreme Court's decision on Prop 8 tomorrow is going to be, I'd have given you a very balanced answer to the effect that the Court could go either way for a variety of reasons which I'm sure I'd have then proceeded to outline in great detail, all in tones of the most profound detachment.
In the last quarter-hour, however, I discovered that would have been utter bullshit.
I was reading a LGBT political blog in which a casual comment was made that the "conventional wisdom" among activists right now is that the Court will leave Prop 8 standing but allow the 18,000 people who married before it passed to remain married.
And despite the fact that this opinion has no more basis than my earlier one, or a thousand other opinions from anyone else, despite the fact that no one actually knows what will be announced tomorrow, it slammed into my gut like a kick from someone wearing steel-toed boots. I literally couldn't breathe for a second.
And that's when I realized I've been thinking they'd overturn it.
This is exactly what happened with Prop 8 last November. If you'd asked me what was going to happen, I'd have told you that it was impossible to know, it could go either way, blah blah blah, but when it passed, my shock told me loud and clear I'd never really believed it.
And I guess right now I don't really believe, down so deep even I can hardly access it, that the California State Supreme Court may decide that it's legal, acceptable, and constitutional for my
rights as a citizen to be stripped away by a popular vote.
I wrote a while ago that my anger at the passing of Prop 8 frightened me. I wish you could see my hands right now while I'm typing; they're shaking.
Copyright 2009 by Christie Keith. All rights reserved.