I can't begin to thank everyone who commented on my last diary, and provided support, or offers of assistance, or even possible and actual job offers. As promised, I wanted to give a brief update as to my legal situation and everything that has transpired in the roughly 100 hours since I was fired for being gay (which you can read about here)
First, the legal issues. I've been told by several wonderful attorneys (all of whom donated their time and efforts) that I have little to no legal recourse. I may have a contractual case under the idea of detrimental reliance, that is that I took concrete steps that caused me financial hardship without the school (which I'll get to in a moment) meeting their bargain. That being said, they told me it was an uphill battle, and I have decided not to pursue a lawsuit. This wasn't a decision I came to lightly, but in the end I did so for my own well-being and personal sanity.
Secondly, the re-offer of my job was, as most of us thought, not in good faith. The Director made it clear that I would be a social pariah, and were any parents to find out about my sexual orientation I would have been immediately fired: it could be 2 days after I got there or 2 days before my contract was supposed to end. I rejected the offer, and in doing so felt the need to talk to Dr. Kim, the Director, about his students. Here's what I said:
Dr. Kim, I am not only disappointed for myself in this situation, I'm disappointed for your students. It's not because they'll lack a debate team next year without me, it's because I think I could have provided a lot of help and guidance for students going through similar issues. If you think that there are no gay students at your school, or even further gay faculty, you're sorely mistaken. They are being told by your chaplain, their peers, and possibly you that they are sinful, disgusting and wrong. I only hope that you encourage your staff to stop these attacks before they do irreparable harm to one of your kids.
I have yet to hear a response, and don't really expect one. Dr. Kim showed his true character throughout this process, one of bigotry and closed-mindedness. I accepted this position at this particular school because it would not only be a challenge, I thought I could change some minds. They don't want their beliefs challenged, they want them parroted.
On a more personal note, I have gotten very lucky with the support I've been provided. I have been offered a job at a summer program where I've previously taught. It's called Exploration, and it's in New Haven, CT. It's not the same, but I'll be surrounded by people who support me and will take my mind off things. Further, they're creating an unofficial diversity coordinator position for me, so that I can work with kids who are queer and questioning, along with international students. It's a terrific opportunity that I think dovetails well with what just happened. I don't quite believe everything happens for a reason, but this was pretty serendipitous. After the summer ends, I don't quite have a plan. I'll take some time and figure out what I want to do, volunteer at my little brother's school in his fifth grade class, and do seek out some volunteer opportunities with gay rights organizations.
Further, as I said in my other diary, I decided to come out to the rest of my family, namely my grandparents. I actually did that today, and I couldn't be happier about the decision. I'm reminded of the scene from Milk, where Harvey explains that many people only start caring about gay rights when they know someone who's gay. We go from that nameless, faceless queen on the street to being someone tangible and personal.
"They vote for us two to one if they know one of us."
My grandparents aren't the most progressive folks. Lifelong Pittsburghers, my grandfather was in the past incredibly racist and my grandmother was fairly set in her ways. Both attend mass 5 times a week. Despite all of this, they voted for Obama this election, and my grandma has started watching Rachel Maddow ("For once, I don't even care if she's a lesbian," was how she put it). I'm their oldest grandkid, basically their sixth child. When my Nana picked up the phone I didn't quite know if I could say it, so I just did. I won't recount the conversation, but the response is what I hoped for but didn't expect:
"So?"
They're not gonna be PFLAG parents or anything, but they showed me again that just about anyone can become pro-gay. Right after I realized I was gay, when I was 11, my grandmother brought in a newspaper to the kitchen and threw it down in disgust. It showed two women cutting a wedding cake after Vermont legalized civil unions. She went on a rant about how terrible gay people were and how it was the beginning of the end.
A decade or so later, she and my grandpa asked me what they could do to help, threatened to beat up my former Director, and apologized for everything they had said in the past.
I know that I'm lucky when it comes to this reaction. I can't begin to fathom how hard it is for those who come out and are left with nothing. But we still have to take action, even if it's just coming out to a single family member when we fear it might go poorly.