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First of all I want to wish all the dad's out there a Happy Father's Day.  In honor of father's day I will not be saying much about my own father.  Instead I want to say that I have known some truly great dads over the years.  I have also had friends who have told me about how great their father's are.  

 Over the years I have occasionally met devout religious people who, when they have heard me speak of my father, have told me that I have to honor my parents no matter what.  I usually spout off something terrible my father did and then say something like, "Can  I honor your father instead?" I consider the telling last week of what happened to my father my way of honoring the him.  He was once an innocent child and he did not become the man he became on his own.
 I remember once being astounded by a friend describing her father to me.  I really had no experience with someone who respected their father like that.  She told me about how he would talk to her about right and wrong and tell her that he trusted her to do the right thing.  Her father gave her advice that she followed and that helped her in life.  Her father spent time with her.  Her father never once in her memory hit her.  His name was Keith and I honor Keith today.
 Another good friend told me about how her father encouraged her education.  He warned her that as a young woman  and a minority, she would face challenges that men did not face and that she would have to work hard and do well to succeed.  I never had a chance to meet her father, but I have never met a woman who had more respect for her father either.  I honor Lassero today.
 My uncle was a good man.  I was named for him.  He was the only man in my life, besides my eldest brother, who never intentionally harmed me.  He did give me a whipping once.  This was the way of our family and many others back then.  He tried to look after me and protect me.  He loved us kids, and though he very clearly suffered greatly from his experiences in Viet Nam, he did what he could for us.  I honor Uncle Steve today.
 Knowing these men and many others like them made me a better person and a better mother.  To all the good good men out in the world, taking good care of their kids.  HAPPY FATHERS DAY!  

THIS WEEK:  We all know what has been going on in Iran this week.  My heart aches for the people of Iran and at the same time my spirit soars with theirs as they stand up to tyranny and violence.  Having been a victim of violence and oppression, though on a much, much smaller, family scale has made me a little emotionally overwrought this week.  One photo in particular gave me a pause.  It is the photo of the protestor that was beaten.  The once that shows the welts.
 I've seen welts like that in the mirror.  Sometimes my father's beatings would leave welts from the back of our legs to the middle of our backs.  I say we because I had it no worse than my siblings.  Being the youngest he may have tried to go easy on me.  It doesn't matter now but I cried for a minute and then a new feeling entered me.  A feeling of joy.  Here is a brave young man, standing proud showing of his battle wounds and only waiting for the opportunity to go out tomorrow and face the same thugs and maybe even worse.  Willing to face down the violence and the oppression at any cost.
 I stood up like that once.  I stood up to violence and oppression in my own life and I won.  I left it all behind and no one is allowed to hurt me anymore.  I also show my scars.  I no longer cut my hair so that the scars on my forehead will not show.  I decided years ago that my hair looks prettier pulled back and that I am not going to hide my scars in shame.  I came by them honestly.
 So I watch with joy and fear as the people of Iran do the same thing.  What I wish that I could say to my brothers and sisters in Iran is that your courage gives me courage.  Your strength gives me strength.  Your passion fills me with passion and your hope gives me great hope.  May your enterprise be truly blessed.
 I have been agitated all week and things kind of came to a head when I just got sick to death of Sarah Palin exploiting her daughter, and all survivors of sexual assault, in order to stay in the media spotlight and try to prop up her national ambitions.  You may have read my diary about it.  I just wanted to say about that, that I was so upset I finally managed to embed a video in a diary.  I am kind of proud of that small accomplishment so in a way I should be thankful to her for being such a obnoxious cow.

Originally posted to stevie avebury on Sat Jun 20, 2009 at 07:00 AM PDT.

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Comment Preferences

  •  Tip Jar (7+ / 0-)

    That passed by; this can, too. - Deor

    by stevie avebury on Sat Jun 20, 2009 at 07:00:29 AM PDT

    •  *****-tip for mentioning the Despicable Palin. (0+ / 0-)

      That woman... is multiply abusive toward daughter Bristol.

      -- Denied her the usual birth control medicines; and

      -- Is now preventing the father, Levi, from marrying the girl as they both wanted

      What a turd.......

      Pro-Lifers + Angry White Males + DSM IV delusional =EQ= The Base

      by vets74 on Sat Jun 20, 2009 at 09:46:15 AM PDT

      [ Parent ]

  •  Thanks for the diary. (2+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Powered Grace, Calfacon

    What a wonderful idea, to honor the fathers of others for father's day, if you cannot, in good conscience, honor your own father.

  •  I have Often Had Difficulty with Father's Day (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Powered Grace

    Jealousy, denial, self-blaming, you name it.  With more time and distance I'm pretty sure he suffered from Aspergers Disorder, alcoholism and was probably abused by his uncle in many of the same way he abused us.  Working, still, on dumping the blaming and anger. It's a long journey and Father's Day always seems to bring a big bump in that road.

    •  I was always angry at my father for all (0+ / 0-)

      he did to us.  Now I am mostly just sad for him.  I am certain that he did not like the person he became.  I am sure that he was always miserable and that it made his behavior worse.  He certainly was incredibly self destructive.

      That passed by; this can, too. - Deor

      by stevie avebury on Sat Jun 20, 2009 at 11:21:37 AM PDT

      [ Parent ]

  •  Sounds like your dad was one of the 15,000,000... (0+ / 0-)

    Americans with personality disorders.

    Mental illnesses, leading to extreme unhappiness. Very hard on themselves and on families.

    DSM IV has the descriptions. Its out on the web.

    You might find something that matches up, giving you some idea of a "why ?" in that mess.

    Obviously, he would have been a devout Rush Limbaugh dittohead. Screaming along with the hate-radio....

    Pro-Lifers + Angry White Males + DSM IV delusional =EQ= The Base

    by vets74 on Sat Jun 20, 2009 at 09:53:15 AM PDT

    •  I sure am. (1+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:

      I may have Borderline Personality Disorder.  My psychiatrist did not want to tell me.  He said it would not help my recovery.

      And yes he was a conservative.

      That passed by; this can, too. - Deor

      by stevie avebury on Sat Jun 20, 2009 at 11:23:27 AM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      •  A MILD presence of Borderline... (0+ / 0-)

        is easy to confuse with PTSD.

        Given history, you are roughly 100:1 more likely to be PTSD with respect to disturbed dreams and heightened fear responses. Psychosis, not so much.

        The Borderline-to-psychosis patients are more at risk of waking dreams, delusional value systems, and such. Its also a rare Borderline who didn't get there by being pushed hard. Easy to confuse the two.

        PTSD can go on for a lifetime. Consider it, first, as a sleep disorder.

        BTW: This psychiatrist wouldn't make a diagnosis ???

        Find a new shrink. I wouldn't trust the SOB, either.

        Pro-Lifers + Angry White Males + DSM IV P.D. Delusionals =EQ= The Base

        by vets74 on Sat Jun 20, 2009 at 12:07:53 PM PDT

        [ Parent ]

        •  He made a diagnosis (1+ / 0-)
          Recommended by:

          He just did not tell me what it was.  I have a long history and have been variously diagnosed as ADHD, PTSD, Bipolar, Borderline Personality disorder, Some other personality disorder, recurrent depression and major depression and Premenstrual disphoria.  I do believe in the PTSD and the Bipolar and a fairly mild personality disorder.  I can go through long psychiatric episodes and in the past have gotten to the point where I was seeing things and hearing things.  The last time I tried to kill myself I thought I could become one with the sea at the time.  This was several years ago and the last bad episode I had was when the Lauderback case came out.  That one pushed all the PTSD buttons.

          That passed by; this can, too. - Deor

          by stevie avebury on Sat Jun 20, 2009 at 02:36:34 PM PDT

          [ Parent ]

          •  Stevie... you know that PTSD is real. (0+ / 0-)

            As a guess, your breaks come with periods where you are not getting REM sleep.

            There was a first-rate diagnostic tool set for making this determination -- out of Carnegie-Mellon -- back in the late 1980s. Picking up REM from simple monitors at the facial skin. Close to non-intrusive.

            People who don't sleep effectively... go nuts.

            This is also a factor with Bi-Polar. And Depression. Even alcoholism.

            K.I.S.S.: take care of your sleep first, then get about the details.

            Our PTSD vets do much, much better with this approach. Every measure goes relatively positive.

            Pro-Lifers + Angry White Males + DSM IV P.D. Delusionals =EQ= The Base

            by vets74 on Sat Jun 20, 2009 at 03:13:13 PM PDT

            [ Parent ]

            •  This is true. (1+ / 0-)
              Recommended by:

              I do not ever remember sleeping through the night in my life unless I was drugged, drunk to blacking out or just completely exhausted and I definitely go nuts when I don't sleep enough.

              That passed by; this can, too. - Deor

              by stevie avebury on Sat Jun 20, 2009 at 04:46:39 PM PDT

              [ Parent ]

              •  If you're still following this thread.... (1+ / 0-)
                Recommended by:
                stevie avebury

                There are steps to improve sleep performance:

                -- Avoid eating for three hours prior to sleep

                -- Do drink a pint of water before sleep

                -- Do take a walk around the block and/or do a yoga session before sleep

                -- Do crap twice a day. Once in evenings

                -- Do take a warm shower before sleep

                -- Do have a regular bed time. Same to the minute, if possible

                Simple stuff. You might try these steps for a couple of weeks, see if the regular bed time pattern kicks in.

                Your sense of your body starts to anticipate sleep.

                Pro-Lifers + Angry White Males + DSM IV P.D. Delusionals =EQ= The Base

                by vets74 on Sun Jun 21, 2009 at 03:22:36 AM PDT

                [ Parent ]

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