Ok, so I have this adrenaline rush going on right now and I don't know why. I guess partly it is because she chose to confide in me as far as the family is concerned. Part of it is the weird pressure of wanting to do everything perfect...the way you dreamed it in your head on anticipating a gay child. Part of it is the feeling of knowing your little sis is growing up and making big, more adult decisions and she is letting you be a part of it. And part of it is the satisfaction of knowing that you must have done something right for her to feel comfortable to pick you - and to have her tell you that you did a good job of 'dealing' with it.
So I know this situation isn't about me and I am not trying to make it about me. This is about my sister and how I can support her through this part of her life, from presumed heterosexuality and transition into her accepting and living her more accurate sexuality whatever that is...which at her age it is still up in the air but she is getting closer. But the part that is about me is my desire to do it right, everything right. Now I now cognitively that I cannot do everything right but that does not quell the desire to be perfect on this matter.
It all came down because she wanted to go over to her friend's house and since my mother didn't know her friend she said no for fear that HS boys would be there with their ever-present hard-ons. From a parenting perspective I agreed with my mom. So my mom called me to ask if she was doing the right thing and if maybe I could take to my PO'd sister. So when my sister got on the phone I asked her if she was alone and could talk and she said she was. I reiterated to her that she should always be honest with me (and she always has and it makes life so much easier as your job of mediating between the parties is simplified if you know what both parties want) and asked what the problem was. She told me that our mother wasn't allowing her to go to her friend's house because she didn't know this friend nor her parents - reasonable enough. so I asked her what is so important that she wants to go there and because she can't she is so upset. Then she told me "X is not really my friend she is my girlfriend". Ok so I didn't see that coming but no big deal. So that is where the problem comes in because you so want to say and do the right thing so she isn't scared for the rest of her life like some of your friends.
So what did I say? Fuck off that's personal family stuff...just kidding. I told her that I was going to be as forthright and honest with her as I have always been. So I told her that it indeed was a surprise but not so much that she has a girlfriend as the fact that she is so young that I hadn't 'sexualized' her identity. I was still thinking of her as my little sister and not as a sexual being so I wasn't shocked by her choice of partners as much as the fact that she actually had a partner at all. I told her that I will be supportive of her in any way that I can and that I am always here to listen. I also made sure that we scheduled a time to talk later when she could have some privacy for a longer talk as she was on her way out. I did also ask her when she started to know and she told me it was about a year and a half ago but it is still all kinda shocking to her as she is still pretty young and she would have been very young when she started to notice. A choice/lifestyle my ass...fuck you republicans.
I have many friends that are gay so I have heard many of the horror stories about them coming out to friends and family. I don't believe that my family is going to be like that and I made sure I told her that so she wouldn't be too anxious about it. I did advise her to hold off a little longer before doing it, not that she had the intention of doing it anytime soon. She dropped me a text that said I did good and that she is relieved she told me. For that I am giving myself a fucking gold star dammit. But this is her last year of high school, grad a year early (what a smarty pants says the gushing older bro) and she is coming down to live with me and go to college next year. I just want to do a good job of supporting her. Can a brother get some help and advice?