There is nothing more annoying than trolls, and as trolls go, they need to be properly fed as they do possess not only numbskulls but highly developed digestive systems (though some might argue that it is usually the retentive kind). Having spent the best part of yesterday under an usually hot sun, I became feverish and "cooked up" the following recipes, which you can steal and post appropriately, whenever needed. Sarah P., please note.
Moose Spread Palinesque:
1 dressed moose, 100 pounds of cooked potatoes, 10 kilos of cheap margarine, 5 liters of spicy Barbecue sauce, a large fork and plenty elbow oil.
Place the moose whole into a large pit, cover with hot stones and wait for a day or two while playing the ukulele. When cooked, flake it finely with a fork. Beat the mashed potato into the flaked moose until the mixture is smooth and creamy. Then beat in the margarine and barbecue sauce. Use as sandwich fillers. If you’re not hungry procure yourself a few party balloons and fill them up with the mixture, add some grease and throw at will at WAPO shills at their annual barbecue.
Moose Broth Supreme:
1 moose, freshly killed from an Alaskan flying craft, cut and quartered; 20 kilos of carrots, 20 kilos of turnips, 20 kilos of brown onions, 40 liters of pure alcohol, 40 liters of still water, a shitload of salt & pepper to disguise the taste.
In a very, very large cast-iron pot throw in all the liquids and the unpeeled vegetables then the moose bits and cook till tender. Add salt & pepper, and make sure you’re wearing pants that can glow in the dark! Serve in desert boots, add sweet paprika if desired. A good tune to go with that dish is "When I'm calling you, Rosemary, Rosemary..."
Chili Moose de Luxe:
This is a superior dish for corrupt hardened politicians and a sure winner at Hannity's summer bash: 100 kilos of moose mince (that can be done using a contraption similar to the one seen in the background of Ms Palin’s Thanksgiving interview), 50 kilos cooked and refried kidney beans; 25 kilos fresh chilies, the hotter the better; 40 liters of tomato paste; 10 kilos of yellow moose fat; 1 single yellow onion and a very sturdy wooden spoon.
In a big stainless steel vat throw the moose fat, then the onion - watch it sink into the fat while you down a large glass of chilled Tequila - then the moose mince and cook furiously for 20 minutes. Add the tomato paste, the beans, the (whole) chilies and a little water so it doesn’t stick too much and cook for a further 2 hours. Serve on giant toasts while watching a re-run of a moose hunt on Focked News (don't forget to save a portion for Rupert!)
Alaskan Moose Smoothie :
1 moose, dressed up in usual manner sans hair, 500 liters of plain vanilla ice-cream, 20 liters of Beano (optional).
This most healthy recipe can be done on the hoof, so to speak, using a rather strong blender. If a blender that can break moose bones can’t be found use the local incinerator by placing the whole moose into a gurney for about 15 seconds. Take out immediately and place into a large cement vat. Look for about 10 wingnuts to smash the moose into pieces and blend in the vanilla ice-cream and the Beano (optional) to smooth it out. This is quite soothing and packs a punch!
For those who don't care about recipes use this equally effective repellent:
And now for the serious stuff:
Our goal for Netroots For The Troops 2009 is $50,000.00 (cash or in-kind donations).
PLEASE DONATE HERE
We realize that you would like to donate something tangible to go inside the packages that will be mailed to the troops. Unfortunately, accepting in-kind donations from individuals is not practical in terms of storage and handling of the items. The Pittsburgh Convention Center is a union shop so we have more stringent rules that need to be followed. Instead, we will only be accepting corporate donations or cash from YOU to purchase items for the care packages this year.
Here’s how YOU can help:
- Please contact TexDem or VeloVixen if you know someone who might be helpful in securing the corporate in-kind donations. To help you think of companies who could donate products, see below* for a list of potential items. Put your thinking caps on and let us hear from you. It takes time to get through the corporate processes so we need to hear from you ASAP!
- We are accepting cash from individuals and
beg ask that you DONATE HERE to contribute to this worthy cause. Your donation will enable us to purchase the things that we are unable to obtain through corporate donations, and will help to pay the costs of shipping them to our troops. This year your donations will be tax deductible, thanks to Netroots Nation and their partner Netroots Arts and Education Initiative, a California 501(c)3 corporation.
- Sign up for a diary! Our goal is to post two diaries per day until NN09. That’s a lot of diaries! Don’t worry---we’ve made it easy for you. We’ve got a template set up, and all you need to do is add a small introduction telling us why you are donating, sharing a story of someone you know who has served or is serving, or any other thing you want to share that might help motivate others to donate. Please contact politik if you are interested in posting a diary.
- Do you know a service member who would like to receive a care package? Email a request to: NFTT.request@gmail.com before July 31, 2009.
Please include all of the following information. Unfortunately we will not be able to process any incomplete requests:
Rank:
Last name:
First name:
APO Address Line 1:
APO Address Line 2:
APO Address Zip:
- Write letters to be included in the packages! Our own jlms qkw is collecting the letters and will print them out and bring them to Pittsburgh. Just email your letter to her jlms_qkw@yahoo.com. Look for more information from jlms qkw soon. If you need some ideas, rbutters wrote an excellent diary with tips on how to write letters to troops and why it’s so important to them.
- Help us assemble the packages in Pittsburgh. It's fun! More information will be forthcoming for those of you who are going to be in Pittsburgh and would like to help there.
- Please consider joining the NFTT FaceBook Group. Invite your FaceBook and non-FaceBook friends.
_____________________
*The following list contains some of the things we would like to include in the packages. Please let us know if you know someone who might be helpful in securing these corporate in-kind donations. (Please DO NOT send these items yourself! We have no way to accept them. Instead, your cash donation is the very best way to help make this happen on the ground in Pittsburgh.)
- Baby wipes
- Mechanix gloves
- Language translation books or CDs (Rosetta Stone as an example)
- LED flashlights
- Gel shoe insoles
- Goop Cleaning Gel
- Powdered energy drinks
- Gel energy food packets
- DVDs and CDs
- Letters to the soldiers
- More suggestions coming soon
Books for Soldiers
Soldiers love to receive books, but due once again to the logistics of collecting and storing them prior to NN09, books will not be included in the packages that NFTT will put together this year. Other organizations are more specialized in the collection and distribution of books to Iraq and Afghanistan. If you are interested in sending books, please consider checking out the Books for Soldiers Website. It is run by DKos's very own StormBearand is a great resource for giving.
Important Note about Successful Online Donations
PLEASE DONATE HERE
When you make your online donation, the screen indicates that you are donating to Netroots Nation. This is the right screen! Rest assured all donations WILL go to NFTT. If you wish, feel free to use the comment area provided to note that your donation is intended for Netroots For The Troops. It isn’t necessary to do this however, as this is the only fundraising activity being conducted for Netroots Nation at this time. For further information about online donations, please read TexDem's diary on the subject.