From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...
Fearless Predictions
Gloria Borger dropped a bombshell Sunday morning during the "Tell Me Something I Don't Know" segment on The Chris Matthews Show:
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"A leader of the Republican party will finally emerge in the next year. I'm not gonna tell ya who it is 'cause I have no idea."
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It's like she's reading my tea leaves. I, too, was thinking that generic Republican X was going to break from the pack sometime in the next 365 days and I wasn't going to tell ya, either. So I guess it'll just be our little secret, Gloria's and mine. So Nyah.
Here are a few more "scoops and predictions right out of the notebook" of Daily Kos's most inebriated reporter, moi:
Sarah Palin won’t officially run in 2012, but she'll win the nomination anyway because the star-struck GOP base will choose her as a write-in candidate. Her running mate will be scrappy newcomer Todd Palin.
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Charlie Crist will, in fact, switch to the Democratic party and win a U.S. Senate seat after rescuing a puppy from a house fire.
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The Rapture will be cancelled due to budget cuts.
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South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford will stun the nation by actually hiking the Appalachian Trail.
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The next general to receive a fourth star will be openly gay and she'll kick butt.
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One of the tomatoes in the White house vegetable garden will grow to a freakish 45 pounds and taste "uncommonly succulent."
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The one tangible contribution from Republicans in the health care reform bill (which will pass with a public option) will be a voucher for a free aromatherapy atomizer.
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Senator Arlen Specter will surrender to Congressman and former Vice Admiral Joe Sestak during the Pennsylvania primary campaign when he finds his campaign headquarters surrounded by Aegis Destroyers.
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And a thing will happen when someone does something they would not ordinarily do. But probably not until after the mid-terms.
What are your predictions? (I predicted I was gonna ask that!)
Cheers and Jeers starts in There's Moreville... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, July 9, 2009
Note: If you insert a dollar into your CD-ROM drive, C&J will play a variety of German drinking songs. If you insert five dollars into your CD-ROM drive, we won't.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til Brüno: 1
Days `til the 13th annual Sequim Lavender Festival in Washington: 8
Number of people who kiss the Blarney Stone every year: 400,000
Rank of the Blarney Stone among the world's most germy tourist attractions: #1
(Source: TripAdvisor via The Week)
Number of homes in the U.S. that can sustain small windmills for power: 13 million
Average cost of each windmill today, which would take about 15 years to pay off in energy savings: $40,000
(Source: Parade)
Number of 80-degree days in Portland, Maine so far this summer: 0
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Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment:
"It's about political courage and heroes, and when a country is desperate for leadership. There are times when regular politics will not do, and this is one of those times. There are times a country is so tired of bull that only the truth can provide relief. If no one in conventional-wisdom politics has the courage to speak up and say what needs to be said, then you go out and find some obscure junior senator ... with the guts to do it."
---January, 2006 (referring to Eugene McCarthy)
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Callie-in-Training
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CHEERS to free house calls. Howard Dean, M.D. (which stands for both Medical Doctor and Mykindof Democrat) will log on to DKos today at noon ET to liveblog about health care reform and his new book, Gallbladder Surgery for Dummies. (Ha---made ya look.) Would one of you please do me a favor and ask him about the chance of getting a public option passed? I've still got six months left on my restraining order. ("For the last time, Your Honor, I thought he was on fire and the swimming pool was right there...")
Late-breaking update from Dean that just landed in our email in-box: "I'll be hosting a town-hall style keynote session at the Netroots Nation convention in Pittsburgh on Friday, August 14. If you can make it to Pittsburgh, this is a convention you don’t want to miss."
JEERS to Bill in Portland Maine. Yesterday's C&J poll referenced a study that was reported on in the traditional media that said only 3.5 percent of Arizona high school students surveyed would pass the U.S. citizenship test. While I stand by my actual question ("Should high school students be able to pass the test before they can graduate?"---84 percent of you said yes), Dave Safier of Blog For Arizona emailed me and linked to his post where he points out that, "The survey is crap, and [poll supervisor Matthew] Ladner's reporting of it is crappier. It's typical of the worst kind of [Goldwater Institute] "research," where you take your information, look for the results you want and publish those as if they are gold plated findings." (More on it here and here.) As we so often do, we find ourselves saying, "C&J regrets the error"...in this case unwittingly catapulting some conservative propaganda. To atone, we'll go to the Archives of Horror and sit through a 2008 McCain campaign speech.
CHEERS to pushing back. The dance of the American politician is so cute to watch. Always staring each other down as they simultaneously poke each other with sticks, looking for weaknesses and openings they can exploit so they can put points on the scoreboard. Sometimes it even happens with people who are on the same side. Case in point: Obama chief of staff Rahm Emanuel tossed out a feeler on using certain performance-based insurance-industry "triggers" that would, ultimately, delay a public option on health care. The response to the idea from the House Progressive Caucus (bless 'em) was swift: WHAM!!! Rahm was lucky to escape with all 9 ½ fingers intact.
JEERS to the cry of the loons. Wow---considering that they claim to have God in their corner, conservative Catholics sure can act like insecure little whiny-baby whiners. Case in point (via Politico): they're in a snit because the President of the United States is going to meet the Pope tomorrow. Idiots---if the goal is to recruit as many people to Catholicism as possible, doesn’t it make sense for the head of the Church to try and sell the most powerful man in the world on takin' on a new spiritual sheriff? No, I guess not. That would be too logical.
P.S. Five'll get ya ten that Benedict's first words to Obama are: "Hey, how come your vice president isn’t here to stick his hand up your ass and move your mouth like the last guy?" Make sure those cameras are rolling, networks...I wanna hear that answer.
CHEERS to Yankee ingenuity. Mornings were never the same after July 9, 1872. That was the day the doughnut cutter was patented by John F. Blondel of Thomaston, Maine. And it's not a federal holiday because...???
JEERS to putting civil rights to an up or down vote. Congratulations, Maine, you're now Ground Zero in the battle over gay rights. Not that it's a surprise, but the religious right got enough names on enough petitions to put Maine's marriage equality law---passed in May by the legislature and signed by the governor after much thoughtful debate and massive input from citizens---on the ballot this November. The anti-equality forces have hired a bunch of win-at-any-cost carpetbaggers to do their dirty work (including the PR firm that spearheaded the Prop. 8 forces in California last year), while the pro-equality side will be much more local and grassroots. (Their official web site is here and donations are appreciated.) Despite calls for civility, this is going to be a circus, and an ugly one at that. Something the world will never need to worry about: a clown shortage.
P.S. But congratulations to Massachusetts, once again leading the way on equality by being the first state (excuse me..."commonwealth") to try and get the odious federal Defense of Marriage Act declared unconstitutional. Cool Boston baked beans!
CHEERS to a new look. General Motors is thinking about going green...literally:
General Motors could literally turn green as it readies itself for major management and cultural changes that will coincide with its escape from bankruptcy protection. People briefed on its plans say the company is looking into changing the background color of its corporate logo from blue to green in an effort to show consumers that it is leaner and greener, more focused on fuel efficiency and better able to make quick decisions.
A vote on the change is expected sometime around 2013.
JEERS to going out with a whimper. Oh dear...when you're a fierce and legendary general who becomes President of the United States, it's gotta be a little embarrassing to die from eating bad fruit. But that's what happened on July 9, 1850 to "#12" Zachary Taylor. I believe his last words were: "Cherries??? No...fucking...way." Pay your respects here. And then try to remember who succeeded him without going to the Google or the Wiki. (No, it wasn't Gerald Ford. It just seemed like it.)
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Five years ago in C&J: July 9, 2004
CHEERS to Howard Dean. Fulfilling his promise to "do everything in my power to help our candidate win," he peels off to blunt the Nader assault. Go get 'im.
JEERS to Bush the deserter. If it's the truth you wish to avoid, your service records must be destroyed. Dubya was nowhere near his plane, we guess. All of those who agree...raise your hand and say yes.
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And just one more...
CHEERS to the odd couple. I'm pretty much Palin'd out, mainly because the farce that is her public life has taken on almost Michael-Jacksonian proportions. (Quick! Someone call Bubbles out of retirement, and see if the llama's available!) But it appears that David Letterman isn’t going to let her go gently into that good fishin' spot:
Top Ten Messages On Sarah Palin's Answering Machine
- "Hi, It's George W. Bush. Why didn't anyone tell me resigning was an option?"
- "It's John McCain---why did I call?"
- "Mark Sanford here. Ever been to Argentina?"
- "I'm calling from Geico to see if you want to renew your dogsled insurance"
- "It's Letterman -- we still cool?"
- "McCain again. Still no idea why I called"
- "Hi, it's the dry cleaner. Having trouble getting caribou blood out of your Prada jacket"
- "Hi, it's Sarah...oops...dialed my own number"
- "Schwarzenegger here. If you want a job, California could use a new governor"
- "Hey, it's McCain. Who would've thought you'd retire before I did?"
I'll give that four "Hehs."
Oh, and if you can sit through an ad, you can try your hand at making an Ahmadinejahd daiquiri. (You'll need one honker of a lime to make it palatable.) Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
"Did you ever see Bill in Portland Maine? I was just like that kid."
---Francis Ford Coppola
Esquire
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