Because all you puny mortals are so lost and confused, the Amazing I thought it would be benevolent of me to enlighten you. Unlike me, there are things you do not understand, so I have arrived to spread my omniscient knowledge and light upon thee. Bask in my wisdom, gentle minions, and soak up the brilliance of my insight so that you may adore me the better. I will begin by answering some common questions, and then open up the floor to any kind of question you would like to ask. Those calling for a Yes or No will have the quickest response.
First, a disclaimer: Please, do not be embarrassed if you disagree with the knowledge I am about to impart - I find your ignorance quite endearing, and I assure you my laughter at your attempts to argue with me will be good-natured and instructive.
- What is the meaning of life?
Crack a dictionary, you lazy bastard.
- How many angels can dance on the head of a pin?
14.5 - I actually tested that, and there was a rather gruesome accident (hence the decimal).
- What's the best way to meet women?
Just as they're getting out of jail.
- What's the best way to meet men?
Be a woman.
- Will I go to heaven when I die?
Not with that attitude.
- Will I become rich?
Yes. Compared to an average 5th century Bulgarian.
- What will my children be like?
So special, you'll never want them to leave your sight.
- How do you please a woman?
Using two fingers, reach down and gently but firmly...remove your credit card from your wallet and hand it to her.
- What is the true religion?
The name of the One True Religion can only be spoken with hand signs.
- Which is better, Star Trek or Star Wars?
Such profound knowledge is only granted to non-virgins.
Now hurry up and get me on the Rec List where I belong.