Oh my. You knew the Birthers were nuts. But nothing captures "insane" quite like a legal document-- a place where you are forced to put your thoughts down in what you honestly believe to be a logical order. In this case, we're talking melting-clocks/dyanetics/colonel-kurtz level of bananas. Specifically, we're talking about the work product of Birther Barrister Orly Taitz on behalf of Major Stefan Frederick Cook.
The Story So Far... In Case You Haven't Heard...
Read all about it at the blog of the Military Officers Association of America
• March: Major Stefan Frederick Cook participated in a failed class-action suit brought by Orly against Obama.
• May: Cook requests a one-year assignment in Afghanistan.
• June: The Army accepts his offer. Deployment is scheduled for July.
• July: Suddenly!-- Major Cook feels orders from President Obama aren't legitimate just before he is set to deploy. He files suit to block the order and demands to see Obama's birth certificate. Later, the Army cancels his orders because a) it was voluntary, and b) the unit no longer wanted him for obvious reasons. The law suit is dismissed because the orders in question ceased to exist.
Victory for Birthers!
Yes, the fact that the Army rescinded the orders is absolute proof Obama was born in Kenya. See? See?
Things aren't quite so good for Cook though-- he lost his security clearance (for obvious reasons), then lost his defense-contractor job, and, of course, he's flushed his military career down the crapper. But wait...
Taitz to the Rescue!
Taitz filed a new... document... on Wednesday. She wants his job back, and his security clearance, and his reputation, and she doesn't want anyone to be mean to him in the Army. Let's look in...
De Facto? Well, hell, she's already proven her claim! Case closed!
Cook is suing his former employer Simtech and CEO Larry Grice. But he wants everyone to know there are no hard feelings:
Oh boy, I bet Simtech and Grice are overjoyed about the prospect of being forced into this clusterfuck.
Many of the following pages recount Cook's orders while conveniently omitting the fact that he had volunteered for duty. He also characterizes pulling his security clearance and his subsequent firing as "blackmail:"
"Nutty and crazy." Seems like there is a lot of that going around. Especially when we get to page 14. Out of no where, Taitz inexplicably throws in an Executive Order she doesn't like.
I am not reproducing the whole thing, but the next two pages are a copy of Excutive Order 13489 signed by Obama upon taking office. It covers the release of Presidential records.
Although you can't tell what Taitz is getting at, right-wing bloggers assure us this order is a blatant attempt by Obama to permanently seal his records. Who but Obama, Taitz asks, could do such a Nixonesque thing?
Unfortunately for the wingers, the answer is Ronald Wilson Reagan. Obama's order rescinded Bush's Executive Order 13233, signed a couple months after 9/11, and restored the wording of its predecessor, Executive Order 12667, signed into law by LordKingGod Ronnie himself on January 18, 1989. Oops.
Oh well, things have to get better after... what the hell?
Now, I'm no lawyer. I don't have a lot of fancy mail-order-learning like Orly. But I'm pretty sure you're supposed to save the batshit stuff for the talk shows.
By the way, I didn't recognize that phrase "Compass the King," but I assumed she got it from somewhere. Certainly she couldn't be suggesting Cook surrounds the "king." It turns out the only reference I could find was in a book called the "Bible." In it, soldiers are ordered to, "compass the king round about," in order to protect him from would-be assassins. Not your team, Orly. Moving on...
Phew! I figured they would want to retry My Lai. But Major Cook is just trying to save the system from itself! And he has to burn it to the ground to do so.
After this, Taitz spends a lot of time arguing that, since Obama is obviously illegitimate, the armed forces deployed abroad are illegal combatants not covered by the Geneva Convention. In fact, according to Taitz,
Slaves. An army of slaves. Hey, what does that remind you of? Yes, THE CIVIL WAR!
That seems pretty unbiased. But wait! She's got more!
See how that all fits together? No? Have another drink.
You may ask yourself, where can Orly go from there?
Roe v Wade? You knew it had to go there. See, the Army is to rescinding orders as women are to abortions.
Finally, she spells it out for those who don't get it with a much-needed "some might say":
Ta Da! Masterpiece!
There were a few bits I skipped over. She accuses Obama's grandmother of stealing Social Security numbers:
Shows us the view from inside the wingers' bunker:
And makes the obvious connection between Obama and the Nazi war crimes:
There you have it: civil war-abortion-nazis. Easy. I hope this has been educational for all you budding lawyers out there!