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Good Afternoon, Amalgamated Consolodated Crime Prevention and Fire Supression Services Incorporated. How may I direct your call?

My house is on fire! Send the Firemen!

Of course, Sir! May I have your ACCPFSSI policy number, please?

My what?

Your policy number, sir. You DO have a group emergency services coverage policy don't you?

Oh, yeah, I have it right here. A345-ZX34-22314.

Thank you sir just let me enter that in my computer to see what kind of coverage you have.

[wait]

Sir? Can you tell me how the fire started?

Um, yeah. My son turned on the stove by accident and a pan of bacon grease left from breakfast started on fire.

Oh dear! I'm very sorry sir. But it seems your policy doesn't cover fires started by unsupervised minor children. We'll have to bill you for the full cost of the service. In advance. Do you have a credit card handy?

It's in the house. I'm standing out in my front yard on my cell phone.

Is there any way you could get in and retrieve it?

My. House. Is. On. Fire!

I'm very sorry to hear that, Sir. Do any of your neighbors have an extra long garden hose?

Originally posted to TC MITS on Fri Jul 24, 2009 at 02:36 PM PDT.

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