The Middle Eastern situation just got more complicated. In an amazing turn of events, Fox News is now reporting that tectonic vibrations in the Earth's crust have dramatically shifted the geographic boundaries of the Middle East. The geopolitical consequences are earth shattering.
As you can see from the graphic displayed on Fox News above, Iraq has disappeared off of the face of the planet. What happened to the 130,000 American troops stationed in Iraq is unknown. According to defense department sources, everything is being done to locate these missing soldiers.
Former Ambassador to the UN John Bolton, speaking to reporters at Fox News suggests that they may be lost in some inter-dimensional portal. In a conversation with Neil Cavuto, Bolton asserted that this should not be totally totally unexpected. "We know Obama hates America and its troops, so I wouldn't be surprised if he was behind this."
Lou Dobbs, expounding on the Birthers conspiracy was quoted as saying:
Anytime a leader is secretly working for an African country like Kenya, you can expect some weird stuff to happen. Look at the map. He managed to move Egypt out of Africa, and he could have only done that with the help of Aliens and Kenyan sympathizers.
The effect of Egypt's sudden geographic relocation to a position adjacent to Iran is also likely to have significant geopolitical repercussions. Speaking to Niel Cavuto on Fox News, McCain expressed concern. "We know those Sunnis in Iran hate the Shias in Egypt". After Lieberman (D-CT) whispered in McCain's ear, McCain revised his initial statement. "I mean the Shias in Iran and the Sunnis in Egypt." "Same difference, he retorted," as he looked annoyingly in the Democrats direction.
Bill O'Reilly also commented on the developing story:
"Fox contacted DailyKos hate site blogger Markos Moulitsas for comment and all he did was roll his eyes, and say 'First off, Lieberman is an Independent, not a Democrat.' Kos is unwilling to contain his disdain for America. When I asked him about the loss of all of those American troops in Iraq, he just laughed and said 'You're kidding , right?', he didn't even address the issue of Iraq's sudden departure from the planet and the possible loss of 130,000 soldiers. This proves once again how much these liberals hate America."
Syria and Jordan gave no official response regarding their new neighbor. One Syrian diplomat who spoke on condition of anonymity did relate, "at least we won't have to deal with all those go#$am Iraqi refugees now."
Reports from Israel were tentative but upbeat. "Now that Egypt is no longer on our Western border, our security has increased dramatically," one spokesperson asserted, "but we haven't found out who our new neighbor is," he admitted. "If it's Iraq, I don't think that will help much. We've got a pool going, and I'm hoping it's another failed African state like Somalia. As long as we ignore them they aren't as much of a threat as Egypt has been."
Lou Dobbs insists that inside Israeli sources were reported to be calling Kenya to see if they could influence Obama's choice of countries to relocate next to Israel. "They're not hopeful given his Muslim-Kenyan heritage," Dobbs said.
We report, you decide. Fox News, fair, balanced and "accurate."