Do not read this unless you are a white male and have a birth certificate PROVING you were born in one of the original Confederate States.
SPECIAL NOTE. Certificates of Live Birth NOT accepted.
Apologies for mangling, butchering, mutilating, contorting, falsifying and ruining the excellent, distinguished, outstanding poll compiled by Daily Kos and Research 2000.
Special apologies to twitterer "shannynmoore", from whom I stole the idea for this.