Certainly, we live in a wonderful and free country, and it is every American's right to protest and express their grievances, so surely we must respect the TeaBaggers at the Townhall meetings who scream and drown out intelligent debate about the direction of America.
Hired by lobbyists or not, these genuine American patriots must be applauded for their courage in standing up for their deeply held beliefs. It is our duty as Americans to allow these patriots to give - in the immortal words of Abraham Lincoln - "the last full measure of devotion" to their country.
Therefore, I have designed a contract form that Kossacks all across America should print out in quantity, take to these meetings, and have every Patriotic TeaBagger present sign. I give full permission for the contract below to be reproduced in any quantity, amended, added to, improved, and distributed. Remember, I am not an attorney, nor do I play one on TV.
The Anti-Socialism American Patriotism Contract
I, the undersigned ("Signee"), do hereby state the following:
I. I do not believe in socialism in America.
II. I am a patriotic American.
III. I refuse to participate in any form of socialism in America.
IV. I am a patriotic American.
V. I believe ObamaCare is socialism.
VI. I am a patriotic American.
Therefore, I hereby irrevocably agree to the following:
I. I hereby and forever relinquish any right whatsoever to participate in any government-run Medicare Program or System, or derive benefits of any kind from it.
II. I hereby and forever relinquish any right whatsoever to participate in any government-run Social Security Program or System, or derive benefits of any kind from it.
III. I hereby and forever relinquish any right whatsoever to participate in any government-run Interstate Highway System, or derive benefits of any kind from it.
IV. I hereby and forever relinquish any right whatsoever to participate in any government-run Armed Forces or Military, or derive benefits of any kind from it.
V. I hereby and forever relinquish any right whatsoever to participate in any government-run Mail Delivery System, or derive benefits of any kind from it.
VI. I hereby and forever relinquish any right whatsoever to participate in any government-run Police or Fire Protection, or derive benefits of any kind from it.
VII. I hereby and forever relinquish any right whatsoever to participate in any government-run Water Delivery System, or derive benefits of any kind from it.
VIII. I hereby and forever relinquish any right whatsoever to participate in any government-run Electrical Delivery or Grid System, or derive benefits of any kind from it.
IX. I hereby and forever relinquish any right whatsoever to participate in any government-run Food or Drug Safety System, or derive benefits of any kind from it.
and,
X. I hereby and forever relinquish any right whatsoever to participate in any government-run program or system of any kind, existing now or created in the future, or derive benefits of any kind from it.
I do hereby agree that any violation by me of the terms of this contract shall obligate me to pay a penalty of $10,000 per violation, per occurence, to be paid to the United States Government in United States Dollars (USD), or that in the event of my inability to pay the fine for any reason, any real property owned by me or my family may be seized and sold at auction without reservation, and the entire proceeds, or portion thereof, shall be used to pay the penalty or penalties. This contract shall be governed by the laws of the state in which it was signed.
Signee (sign your name and date here):
_________________________________________ Dated: _/_/___
Signee name and address (please print clearly):
_________________________________________
_________________________________________
_________________________________________
Contract entered into at City________________________State_________
Witness Statement: I do hereby swear that I was present at the signing of this document and that the Signee read the document completely, was of sound mind, under no duress of any kind, and signed the document freely and willingly.
Witnessed By (please print clearly):
_________________________________________ Dated: _/_/___
Witness name and address (please print clearly):
_________________________________________
_________________________________________
_________________________________________