There's a guy on FOX News who pretends to be a reporter. This distinquishes him from the comedians they have on like Beckie the Clown. This guy has a name that sounds like a character out of Catch-22, Major Garrett. Now I don't know who names their kid after a dog, but hey... to each their own.
In any event, the poor bastard is crying out to be educated about how email lists work. I think we should help this feeble fussbudget. I can't do this alone. After all, it takes a village to raise an idiot and listening to this idiot, it's clear he's been thrown out of several villages in his day... which is why Major Garrett is wandering around acting like a General Douchebag.
Here's how it works...
As denizens of the net who actually understand how it works, we sometimes take it for granted that some folks on the other side of the digital divide don't get it at all. Usually, we are too busy to reach out to these unfortunate people. But here we have an opportunity to help a newbie find his way and all we have to do is sign him up for any and all email lists we come across during the next couple of weeks. He will get a lot of emails. Some will ask him if he really wants to be signed up for Madam Sally's House of Pain. Some will ask him if he really wants to be signed up for the Fort Worth Senior Citizen's Shuffleboard and Scrabble Competition. Some will simply arrive with wonderful and useful information that may help him lower his mortgage rate, or lengthen his penis. It will be a virtual cornucopia of email cascading from his inbox.
This is an important step, because it is clear that getting his attention is difficult. Having gained his attention, Major Knucklehaid will be given the opportunity to act. One of the options will be to do nothing and hope the emails stop. This will not work. The other option will be for him to click on the "unsubscribe" link commonly found in the footer of most emails sent through listservs of various flavors.
Hopefully, Major Lamer will figure this out on his own. But if he is incapable of doing that and local tech support is unable to assist him, I'm sure we will hear from him and he will be happy to listen to our explanation.
In the end, a fool will be educated, and we will be able to take satisfaction in knowing we had a small role in helping Major Loser get a step closer to enlightenment.
If you would like to help this poor fellow, just do the following:
- find a listerv or forward link and click on it
- use major.garrett@foxnews.com to sign him up.
- if you have an option for adding comments, let him know you did this for his benefit.