Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Sport Enthusiasts, I hardly can keep my voice up, I hardly can keep my emotions under control at this point. What a great football game this has been so far between Team Republican and Team Democrat. We are just moments away from the final whistle blow, and yet the game remains open. Who will secure the prestigious Health Care Bowl at the end?
Team Democrat still in the lead with one point. They have the ball at their own 20 yard line and it’s 2nd and inches. 2nd and inches Ladies and Gentlemen, 2nd and inches. All they need from here is new first down and then they can let the clock run out and secure this well earned victory.
The crowd here has been amazing. In spite off the stadium is filled half and half with supporters of both teams, a good 70% of the enthusiastic crowd chants loud and clear: "DEMOCRATS! DEMOCRATS! DEMOCRATS!" Ladies and Gentlemen, a tremendous support for Team Democrat has established itself, here in the stadium. Unnecessary to say, that even supporters of Team Republican are now supporting the visiting team.
I can't point out often enough, how unbelievable well the Defense of Team Democrat has played. Ladies And Gentlemen, it is true – Offense wins games, Defense wins Championships. This progressive Defense has played its heart out. Not one player on the field remains without bandage, is not banged up, is not on his/her last breath. Yet, they were able to hold it together and put their Offense back on the field.
Ladies and Gentlemen, here we go. They line up. QB Obama from Team Democrat starts the snap count. Guard Sebelious ready to snap the ball. Keep in mind, all they need is a few inches and victory is theirs. It looks like a Quaterback sneak! SNAP COUNT, HERE WE GO, HERE WE GO...
OH MY GOD, WHAT’S THAT??? WHISTLES, YELLOW FLAGS EVERYWHERE, WHAT HAPPENED???
I don’t believe it, Ladies and Gentlemen, I don’t believe it! FALSE START OFFENSE!!! Two wide receivers, lined up at the far right, Baucus and Conrad messed up. How in the hell did that happen? How in the hell can – not only one – but two Wide Receivers mess up a play like that. UNBELIEVABLE!
Here is referee Grassley with the call: "False start offense, 11.5 yard penalty, 3rd down"
WHAT?! WHAT?! Ladies and Gentlemen, I don’t understand, this false start called for a 5 yards penalty and repeat of 2nd down. Yet, referee Grassley comes up with this totally strange call without any logic. Well, I did point this out earlier, referee Grassley is wearing a semi automatic riffle around his shoulder. I have never seen something like this before, but I guess under this circumstances, he can change the rules of the game. Smart move from the referee, smart move!
O.K., O.K., here we go again! Team Democrat is lined up again, at it’s own 8.5 yard line. They need a first down to let the clock run out, they need this first down. SNAP COUNT!
OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, Team Republican messed up. They only have 8 players on the field, ONLY 8 PLAYERS ON THE FIELD! All lined up in the middle. Wide Receivers, Tight End, even the Running Back are all wide open on the right side of the field. THIS IS IT, THIS IS IT! All QB Obama needs to do is deliver the ball to one of his players on this side and they can WALK, literally WALK the ball to a new first down and secure victory! THIS MUST BE IT, THIS MUST BE IT!
THE BALL IS SNAPPED, THE BALL IS SNAPPED! Obama pumps, one time, two times, thee times, he rolls out to the right side of the field, his Wide Receivers and Tight End are...WHAT? WHAT? LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I DON’T BELIEVE IT, I DON’T BELIEVE IT! All the Wide Receivers are not moving, they stand there like stone and it appears to me they are chatting with the players from the Republicans at the side line. DON’T THEY KNOW THEY ARE IN THE HEALTH CARE BOWL FOR CHRIST’S SAKE???
The clock is still ticking, Obama is running up and down the field, HE CAN DO IT, HE CAN DO IT. WILL HE TAKE THE BALL AND RUN?
WHAT’S THIS, WHAT’S THIS? Referee Grassley is closing in on QB Obama and they start hugging each other. Ladies and Gentlemen, I’m speechless, Referee Grassley and QB Obama are holding hands, and they both are walking back into the end zone of Team Democrat, while all the other players sprinkling out – what appears to be – a bunch of rose leaves for them.
UNBELIEVABLE, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, UNBELIEVABLE! QB Obama and Referee Grassley are walking hand in hand back into the end zone. WE HAVE A SAFETY! WE HAVE A SAFETY!
The game is over, the game is over! What seemed like a clear victory for Team Democrat turned out to be a devastating defeat for them! Ladies and Gentlemen. What a game we have witnessed here, what a game!
The Health Care Bowl goes to Team Republican. Stay with us until after the break, when Commissioner’s Limbaugh, Beck and Hannity hand over the trophy to Team Republican!
Some supporters of Team Democrat might ask themselves now: "Was it right to fire coach Howard Dean before the season? How could the Democratic Offense mess up, what seemed to be a clear victory, mainly because the progressive Defense played their hears out?
AND WHY THE FUCK, DID QB OBAMA WALK BACK IN HIS OWN END ZONE, HOLDING THE FUCKING HAND OF REFEREE GRASSLEY???"
Ladies and Gentlemen. There are a lot of unanswered questions here. Maybe our sponsors – "Big Pharma", "Health Insurance Company" and "Corporate America" can answer that for us after the break!
END
Last note: Fuck you Democrats! Fuck you! For backstabbing all of us! Take your god damned majority the people have given you and go to fucking hell! ASSHOLES!