I've been perusing this site for a little over a year now. I found this site at the beginning of the 2008 primaries, and was hooked immediately. I was on this site constantly through the 2008 election season, during most of which I was unemployed. I have written a few diaries, made many more comments, and found a great community of progressives. The time has come to reveal a dirty secret of mine: Up until 2006, I was a solidly conservative Republican.
I was raised by two relatively politically active Democrats. My father is an unabashed liberal while my mother is more of a centrist. Some of my earliest political memories involve going door to door in my neighborhood with my mother, canvassing for Tom Downey in 1992 at the age of 8, taking part in our mock election in elementary school that year, and proudly voting for Bill Clinton, and being excited about his actual election. Something happened between '92 and '96, though. Somehow, I became conservative. My own personal theory is that it was my own act of rebellion against my parents, who let me grow my hair long and get an earring at the age of 11. I know it was a pretty mild act of rebellion, compared to the trouble I could have easily gotten into in suburban Long Island, but it got a rise out of my parents. Without going into too much detail, I became extremely pro-life, I campaigned for Rick Lazio (who is from my hometown and I liked on a personal level), and supported Bush in 2000 (when I was 16 and couldn't vote). My Republican uncle then recommended a novel I had never heard of: Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand. Man, I fell for her school of thought hard. Soon I was reading anything by her that I could get my hands on. I was soon beyond the Republican platform and was drifting into the libertarian arena. I believed in small government everywhere, economically and socially.
In August 2002, I went off to college, a pretty conservative (and pro-life) institution called The Catholic University of America, in D.C. I soon joined the College Republicans (which was actually more of a drinking club than a political organization at my school). I attended CPAC, applauded Ann Coulter (typing this makes me feel so dirty), and met Wayne LaPierre. I believed that the Iraq War was just, and was certain Iraq was a credible threat. But something else started happening. I started learning more about Catholic theology.
I know that there is a pretty negative view of the Catholic Church on this site, and I recognize that it, like many institutions, has some glaring faults. But I attribute my conversion to progressivism to Catholic social teaching. Our campus ministry was run by Franciscans, who are committed to service to the poor, among other things. At Mass most weeks, the priests preached about social justice. Service opportunities were everywhere, and I started to see the humanity that was affected by government action or inaction. I became disillusioned with the selfish, small-government mindset and realized that, too often, people need a helping hand that can only come from the government.
I also became disillusioned with the pro-life movement, seeing it as both narrow-minded and hypocritical. I saw that they really only cared about people up to their birth. The hypocrisy was in the fact that they were willing to let babies born in poverty suffer from a lack of the most basic necessities. I became at first apathetic, then against the "pro-life" movement, which I soon labelled simply the anti-abortion movement, since most of them did not truly practice a consistent ethic of life by supporting the death penalty and being against policies that could help the least among us. A relationship I was in ended because of this shift in thinking.
In my senior year, two things happened that determined my career path, and cemented my identification with the liberal movement. First, I attended at conference at Georgetown University on the UN Millennium Development Goals (the ones that Glenn Beck thinks is a plot by the UN to take over US foreign policy). A few months before, I watched as Live 8 happened, learned more about the original Live Aid, and found it completely absurd that we have so much in this country while people around the world die for such simple and ridiculous reasons as a lack of food or medicine. I became interested in International Development, and directed my last year and a half of study towards this subject.
Second, I travelled to Jamaica on an alternative spring break trip. The level of poverty there shocked me and has affected my life ever since. Particularly, the obvious indifference of the Jamaican government towards its citizens. We visited one neighborhood, supposedly the worst in Jamaica, which was literally a shanty-town built into a garbage dump. In one house, 5 kids shared a double bed, which sat on top of spider's nests. Kids swam in a polluted waterway with gas pipes running through it. We also visited a home where elderly are taken when their families decide they are not worth taking care of. If Republicans are worried about death panels, let them visit this home. I came home absolutely convinced that government needs to do more, not less, to protect its citizens from poverty and to help them move upward in society.
I was also more disillusioned than ever about the state of affairs in our country. I couldn't see a way that this could happen with the status quo in place. I knew we needed a new way of thinking, and a fresh face. Whispers started about a freshman senator possibly running for President. When Barack Obama declared his candidacy, I immediately signed up on his website and worked tirelessly. This was what we needed. Someone who believed that government can be a force for good and justice. Everyone I knew, including my parents, said I was foolish, he would never win. When he won Iowa, they said it was luck. New Hampshire strengthened their arguments. But soon he started racking up more primaries and won the nomination, and then the election. Politics in America was forever changed. I know that it seems like the momentum has stalled, but, remember, without President Obama, the discussion wouldn't even be taking place.
Recently, as conservatives attempt to silence discussion on health care reform, I have become disgusted with my conservative past. How could I have possibly believed what these people believe: that it's better to let people starve and die than to increase the capacity for government to help them? After all, isn't the grand American model of government that we are the government? Why wouldn't we want to help our neighbor? How can religious people read the Bible, especially Matthew 25, and not help the least among us and do Christ's work, and, in fact, actively try to block any attempt to help them? I wish I could say I know where they're coming from, having been one of them, but I just don't see any rationality to their thinking.
I know this diary is somewhat lengthy, and probably has a lot wrong with it both in content and style. It's a confession of a kind, and came out as a stream of consciousness. I hope that I can start becoming a constructive member of this site and become more active in the fight for justice.
One last note, with the passing of a great statesman. Even in my most conservative days, I admired Senator Kennedy for sticking to his principles, serving the interests of his constituents, and living what was an incredibly difficult life. As a son of a recovering alcoholic, I could never attack him for his addiction, as I realize all too well the difficulties in fighting that disease, and that it is not as simple as choosing not to drink, that it's a constant struggle for the rest of a person's life.