[Note: The people are real. Their jobs are real. The picture is real. This post will sarcastically employ Glenn Beck's jingoistic rhetoric and logical analysis to this available information. If you have an issue with such logic, please take it up with him. If you find the beginning a tad slow, feel free to look at questions at the bottom first.]
America, I have a shocking revelation to tell you about - simply shocking. I mean, it may just make your head fly off your shoulders and crawl up your own ass - that's how disturbing and shocking this is. Last night, it was brought to my attention that Glenn Beck's "Words Czar" has ties to a brutal, totalitarian, Soviet era communist dictator.
At first, I didn't believe it. I said to my researchers - you show me the proof, a picture, something! I can't just write a blog post about this, unless I know that I am presenting to my readers has been vetted.
So, they came back to me with the following picture pulled from Stu Burguiere's actual MySpace page.* Stu is the Glenn Beck Program's Executive Producer and Head Writer. But, what that really means is - Beck's Words Czar. [*For those unaware, I'm not just picking on a random employee of Beck's. Stu gets substantial radio air time alongside Beck & some TV time. He is a personality onto his own & his MySpace page is public.]
The picture (I warn you, it is...disturbing):
The man in the picture is Turkmenbashi (Saparmurat Niyazov), who was the brutal leader of Turkmenistan. Hmm, doesn't it strike you as sort of strange? It seems as though Stu is lamenting the death of Turkmenbashi. Now, if you scroll through the other pictures, there aren't other leaders. No, no. The other pictures are of Stu's wife and his dogs. Now, why would you put up a picture wishing a brutal dictator peace in death, along side your wife and dogs, unless you cared for the dictator as much as your wife and dogs? You wouldn't, right? So I'm assuming that Stu cared for Turkmenbashi as much as he cares for his wife and dogs.
And, this is Beck's Words Czar mind you. This is the guy, day in and day out, that writes the words that Glenn Beck reads aloud to millions of people. You gotta ask yourself, who is really in charge over there at the Glenn Beck Program? Is it Beck, or is it the this Words Czar, who is writing the words that Beck reads?
And by the way, what's the deal, I mean, I'm not tuning into the Words Czar Program, am I? Because, I thought it was The Glenn Beck Program. So, why does Beck even need a Words Czar.
Now, Turkmenbashi in a nutshell...
Turkmenbashi, the guy that Stu, Words Czar, seems to love as much as his wife and dogs, was a brutal dictator. He started out as a Communist revolutionary in the Soviet Era. But, that quickly gave way to a brutal, totalitarian, cult of personality dictatorship centered around Turkmenbashi. He was erratic and self-centered. And, although his people apparently adored him, the rest of the world couldn't decipher just how crazy he was.
He is known for:
- Requesting that a palace of ice be built near the capital, though Turkmenistan is a desert country with a hot and arid environment. The palace was never built.
- Gold teeth were outlawed in Turkmenistan after Niyazov suggested that the populace chew on bones to strengthen their teeth and lessen the rate at which they fall out.
- All hospitals outside of Ashgabat were ordered shut, with Niyazov feeling that sick people should come to the capital for treatment.
He also:
- Got rid of all the books in the library, except for his, because that's all he thought the people needed to read.
- He fancied himself a poet, and sometimes, would take over the state run media and just read his poetry for a while.
So, Turkmenbashi was 1) seemingly crazy, 2) ran a self-serving dictatorial cult, 3) had little regard for those that adored him and 4) blurred the lines between information and culture by placing only his written and spoken words into the society. This is the guy that Beck's Words Czar supposedly loves as much as his wife and dog. Hmm, gee, I wonder, is there, do you think, is there anyone around Stu like that now?
Well, let's see...
- Glenn Beck is seemingly crazy - check.
- Beck has created a cult of personality that exists to benefit him - check.
- Beck seemingly has little regard for his adoring fans. For example, he has over 100,000 followers on Twitter, but only follows 17 people back - most of home are politicians, reporters and staff. Looks to me like he has little regard. So - check.
- Beck has blurred the lines between information and entertainment. For goodness sake, his slogan is "the fusion of entertainment and enlightenment." That's a - check.
Scarrrrry, huh? I know. This raises an awful lot of questions. Questions, that you need to demand answers to. If you don't demand answers, Beck could turn into the next Turkmenbashi.
Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that Stu Words Czar is trying to replace his fallen dear leader with Mr. Beck, but, the facts certainly lead to that conclusion. Don't they? Arm yourself...with questions!
Questions That You Must Demand Answers To...
- Was Glenn Beck aware of Stu's affection for Turkmenbashi? I mean, Beck's Words Czar seems to love this Turkmenbashi guy as much as his wife and dogs. How could Beck not have known? He must have. Now, I'm not saying he did, I'm just asking a question.
- How much of Glenn Beck's statements, written by Stu Words Czar, are actually inspired by Turkmenbashi teachings?
- Is the real reason behind Stu and Beck's denial of climate change/global warming the fact that they are hiding an ice castle in Connecticut? Now, I've spent time trying to debunk the claim that Stu constructed a Turkmenbashi like ice castle for Beck, but I couldn't prove that the castle didn't exist. Now, I'm not saying that Stu Words Czar is hiding this ice castle. But, unless they can prove that it doesn't exist, I'm going to have to assume it does....I'll wait...No?....No one is going to randomly show up next to me to instantaneously debunk this assertion? I'm sorry then, it must be true. This is where you come in. Demand to know where they are hiding this ice castle. You demand it! If they tell you that it doesn't exist, you say, "I'm sorry, but I have facts on my side." And, unless they can prove to you right there, that no ice castle exists, they are lying.
- Why are so many of Glenn Beck's sponsors asking you to trade in your cash for gold? Now remember, Turkmenbashi banned gold teeth. He was hording gold. Stu is apparently a Turkmenbashi lover. I wonder, and this is really the only answer that I could come up with, I sure hope I am wrong. But, again, I've thought about all the possibilities and the only thing I could come up with is Stu Words Czar is the one behind all of Beck's cash for gold commercials, because, he is selling all the gold teeth that he got from his now dead dear leader. Ask! You demand it! You walk right up to Beck, and you say, "Mr. Beck, why are you letting your Words Czar sell Turkmen gold teeth during your commercials?" Don't you let them tell you that you're crazy. Oh, they will. The moment you start talking about Stu's stockpile of soviet communist Turkmen gold teeth. They will mock you, they will viciously attack you. They'll also come after me. But, just relax, take a Xanax, and ask the question again. Remember! You are already armed with information. You KNOW that they are selling these gold teeth, so now, you just have to find out why so many of Beck's sponsors are asking you to trade in cash for gold. Now, again, I could be wrong, but...I really couldn't think of any other possibilities. Nothing else made sense.
- Why do you hate information? Or, why do you hate entertainment? Stu Words Czar learned from his last dear leader that you have to mix the two. Coincidentally enough, Beck has done the same by fusing "entertainment" and "enlightenment." However, in doing so, it appears as though he destroyed both. Demand to know why Beck's Words Czar wants to destroy both. Fear not! Trust yourself! You have the power (besides, the Xanax shouldn't have worn off yet).
Stay tuned, this ain't going away anytime soon. Oh, no, there's so much more information out there that I have overwhelmed myself and my analytical team in processing it. Quick, you better give me some money, otherwise, I don't know...
I'm so scared. I'm afraid that this Words Czar is going to come at me with some really powerful stuff. I have to protect myself. In the meantime, you can be my little spellcheckers. Distract everyone. I need more time! I need it! I need you to help me get more time!
- Go to restaurants and insist on ordering off the kid's menu.
- Go to the Post Office and obnoxiously scream about your pizza taking longer than 30 minutes. It doesn't matter that the Post Office doesn't sell pizza. You know, full well, that some lazy government buerocrat is sitting in the back there, not doing his job processing the mail, and eating a pizza instead. Demand it!
- Go to bowling alleys, but refuse to wear bowling shoes. On second thought, yea, wear cleats. I just, I need time, this is the only way.
- Go to the Supermarkets. Empty out all the tea boxes. Replace it with confetti. This way, the teabaggers will be throwing confetti instead of tea. It'll make their protests seem more festive and fun!
- Find every calender in America. Rip out the month of September. Just, get rid of it. Maybe, we can trick enough of these 9/12ers that Sept. 12 already passed.
My hero, Ben Franklin once said "We are all born ignorant, but we must work hard to be stupid." sniffle Indeed. Words, I live by. I work hard to be this stupid. And, I'm just begging for a little more time. In the interim, while you're out there messing things up for everyone, so I can have more time, can I also have your undivided attention and your money? I need it.
[Note: I am not actually asking for your money. Please do not send it to me.]
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