I have not written any diaries for a long while here. Your diaries are so articulate and researched, covering so well what needs to be addressed - no need for me to chime in other than a few supportive hollers now and then.
But at this moment I am in sad shock, and this community is one of my favorite family homes. So, thanks for letting me just speak the truth. A truth about grief, friendship, kindness and the great mystery called dying.
This morning I got a call. My very dear pal was found deceased in his home. His family was out of the country. He was alone. He had struggled after a stroke to function independently and was doing superbly well.
I often assist people in grief. I keep my head pretty well steady and focussed when a crisis arises, doing my job, facilitating whatever triage is required. But today my heart hurts. I miss my friend. Like everyone who loses a loved one, I go through the self-centered questions: "why did I wait to call and check on him!?" "Did I do everything I could to be of support while he was here or did I get too busy with work and neglect him?" You know, the usual recriminations. All part of the process.
That will likely continue for a while.
But, now, on to the good stuff. The stuff about a dear man who left this world this week in the good company of Ted Kennedy and probably, many other good folks who cared about others.
My friend was a great progressive. He was active in various neighborhood improvement projects, always willing to build a fence or paint a house for a neighbor in need. He went with me to the caucus for Obama. He helped me rally groups for the phone calling center, getting people excited and participating. He cared for the Obama family like I do...as if they are our own family. He'd often call and say, 'what do you think about that .....(fill in the latest inanity from the rightest wing)', and we'd chat, astonished together that rational thought had again been trampled by absurdity. We comforted each other like teammates. We ate great food. We discussed history, biology, spirituality, medicine. We laughed. We cried.
He had a pet name for me no one else ever called me. And, oddly, I keep thinking that I will never hear that phrase again. Never receive that goofy little gift. This symbolized a small end in itself.
I wish him well in his Great Beyond travels. I hope his soul is fine. But I am sad. I miss him.
And that's the way it is today. I believe that grief must be shared. It improves the healing.
Thanks for letting me share with you.
I'm going to be busy for a while. But I extend my kind thoughts to anyone who is grieving, and thank you in advance for listening here.