I love dkos. I have enjoyed commenting and writing diaries. There is nothing wrong with this site as far as I'm concerned. But, I'm gonna stop writing here for a while. There are several reasons I need to take a break, but three reasons are most important. They are below the jump.
Revision: Daily Kos is not the cause of anything I wrote. This diary is not a criticism of Daily Kos, which is absolutely invaluable. Anyone who thinks my personal decision validates their problems with the site are mistaken. Peace!
Revision #2 There is a point several folks have made that is wrong. I am not giving up. I will never give up in my commitment to progressive action. But, you can't ask someone with a broken leg to "take one for the team" and keep skiing! Sometimes you're on the disabled list. I only wrote about the part of this that deals with politics. There's way more to it. Thanks again to EVERYONE!!
Revision #3 after the jump
Revision #4: You are all so great, I cannot express my appreciation anywhere close to well enough. Remember the best gift you ever received and how you felt afterwards. That's how I feel. Thanks!
Revision three - an clarification of what is happening to me:
After Obama's speech I felt inconsolably sad. I felt let down. I felt that it was all for nothing. When I saw the reactions here and elsewhere, I knew something was wrong, and it wasn't with the President. It was me.
Clinical Depression is insidious. It sneaks up on you and whacks you from behind with a large iron mallet of fail. The sense of a gaping void envelopes you and all that's left is an overwhelming wish that some ill-defined need could be met, but you don't know what it is.
After diagnosis, it gets easier to see it coming, much in the way people who suffer migraines can tell in advance and treat them. I can do that, too. 30 years ago I couldn't, and it cost me a college degree and deferred a lot of my life.
That's along time ago. Now I'm generally in pretty good shape. What I can't do right now is engage in behavior or discussions that exacerbate the condition.
I'll be back. I can tell you this. I never expected any sort of outpouring of support like what happened today. I'll be forever grateful, because I feel a lot better already.
- The health care debate has taken a toll on me. I am a chronically depressed person. The unneeded compromises made by Democrats in government are disheartening to me. I can't watch Rachel or Keith, much less Ed or Tweety because the arguments are pointless. I don't mean to say nothing good happens on those shows, but I'm just sapped of energy by the sight of Max Baucus, Chuck Grassley, and all the others. I'm turning off the TV for a while. I need to quit feeling pressure to figure out the best I can do to help. In me, that just feeds despair.
- I'm a musician and composer by trade, but I'm not working on music nearly enough. I'm spending time on Twitter, facebook and here on Dkos so much, I'm no longer doing the one thing in life I know is my true purpose. I need to change that.
- The telltale signs of depression are coming on. I'm impatient and lethargic, and I need a break from battling people whose minds I can't change. I have to get Glenn Beck out of my mind, and get my family and my music back in. I' ve been commenting and diarying too much out of a crazy sense of obligation to do it, and that is irrational, so, for now I'm stopping.
It is important to note I'm under the care of good doctors and counselors, and I'm not suicidal, so no one needs to worry about me. I have a great wife and a great new music studio, the best thing I can do now is to spend more time with her and making music.
My commitment to the good fight is not gone. I'll read Dkos briefly every day. And, I'll be back when I'm sure I have something to say, and not just the desire to say something.
Lastly, I want to thank all the wondeful people here that have contributed to my diaries and engaged me in debate in comments.
I will be back. I just don't know when. Keep up the good work!