I know many of you have been waiting with bated breath, on the edge of your seats and with visible anticipation to find out who won yesterday's Most Absurd, Idiotic, Paranoid Diary contest.
Well if you really care follow me below the fold.
Choosing a winner was not easy. The judges, in trying to pick the winner, drank copious amounts of Long Trail Ale at our local. While pouring each new pitcher we poured diligently over each entry. We parsed them for their true meaning. We diagramed sentence structure. We dug deep inside those that had images to see if there was hidden code embedded that would further enlighten us. In the end we found ourselves no further along than we were when we started. We obviously needed a better way to judge or . . . better judges.
So we tried some new methodology. First, we printed out all the entries ( we have a very wired local) took them outside and threw them in the air. And waited patiently while our intern chased them down, all the time yelling instructions as to which had landed first, second, third etc. In the end we felt the fickle finger of fate was not appropriate for such a serious decision.
Second, we handed all the entries to a young, attractive couple who we thought were getting far to romantic for such a pubic place and needed some cooling off. The result, after they read them all, any amorous feeling they may have had for each other had dissipated to such an extent that they were rather angry at the judges. Go figure.
Finally we struck on a pure genius of an idea. Why not let the Kossacks choose. Seriously, who were we to assume we were all knowing. So we went back perused each diary looking closely at the tip jars and comments. And we did have to look closely, because by this point we were have trouble discerning letters and numbers. So if we got it wrong, blame the the folks who brew Long Trail.
So without further ado or a commercial break here they are -
First goes to Bob Cesca's right. They will impeach Obama. Mainly because this was the diary that started it all. The writer truly believed what he/she was writing. And finally and maybe most importantly it got deleted! And the comments on this one were some of the best.
Honorable mentions:
Most blatant pandering to the judges:I CAN haz cheezbrgr!! Not to mention it broke several Dkos rules.
The most Creative use of a crustacean in a diary: The Giant Lobsters are Upon Us!
The most frightening video: unBrainwashed Children Worship Antichrist Obama
Best written (or The Touch of Genius Award): To My Democrat Friend
That's it! Now, if your diary didn't make the cut please don't get worked up about it. It wasn't you or your skills as a writer, it was us. We just got too hammered to continue this exercise. Plus the proprietor of our local had finally had enough of our loud and obnoxious behavior and asked us to get the hell out. Trust us, you will get another opportunity. We will run the contest again sometime in the future when the judges feel we need a serious break from serious. Or some Absurd, Idiotic Paranoid diary rears it head and forces it upon us. I suppose this means we could run this contest daily. Have no fear, we won't. We are just to damn lazy. Yet if AIP show up in a comment in one of your diaries you've been tagged.
In closing, if you have a serious bitch about the contest or the judges choices put it in the comments. We will probably ignore it, but at least you will feel better by getting it out of your system.