There wasn’t much left to say after Week 3 ground to a halt. It’s still too soon for the Winners to get complacent, and too early for the Losers to panic — although for those of us who have already been down the road that ends in the consolation ladder, some of the sights and smells are beginning to seem darkly familiar.
Some may be as excited as children and some may not yet care, but it’s clear that a few of us are already awkwardly transfixed, like a Lutheran pastor locking his eyes on the floor in a focused attempt to avoid gawking at the thong strap riding up the exposed hip of the 20 year-old girl standing in line in front of him at the bank.
Week 3 brought more high-scoring, which appears to be evidence of the impact of the liberalization of our rules governing Wide Receiver point accumulation: the Blue Devils and Gonk’s Revenge each scored 130 points last week, and DingoBros racked up an impressive 167.
Also victorious were the Salukis, the Wackers, and the Turduckens, who snatched a cheap and shameful victory out of the grasp of a weakened Pulled Hammies, which has been bleeding out of two holes in its lineup since the start of the season. Week 3 proved to be a bridge too far for Token Female, Hellfire Club, Mental Garbage, and Team Dayment — all of whom took their first sip from the foul cup of defeat, while 2008-season contenders Pulled Hammies and the WSO Duestakers assumed what they hope will be only a temporary position at the bottom of Our Beloved League’s pecking order.
As the only team moving into Week 4 with an untainted record, Gonk’s Revenge appears to be on the verge of duplicating its vampiric 2008 winning streak. And a scheduled matchup with the 0-3 Duestakers doesn’t appear likely to derail Gonk’s momentum. Other Week 4 matchups will set the six remaining teams with 2-1 records against each other, undoubtedly leading to further jostling and stratification within our standings.
The Winners will probably sum this up as healthy and normal; nature’s way, separating the wheat from the chaff. But the Losers will begin to hear faint warning cries from deep in the reptilian parts of their brains: Gnawing murmurs that portend a long, steady wave of panic that any of us could be forced to ride out until the end of the season.
Good luck in Week 4, and may the Gridiron Goddess smile upon your lineup.
Ojo Del Tigre!
--Your League Manager