Amazes me how we all go a-twitter about awards. Granted, it's the Nobel Prize and all, but we're debating it with the same passion as, say, the Oscars or the Heisman Trophy.
Seriously, people, it's just the Nobel Peace Prize.
I've been consulting my friends on the other side who are harumphing a bit about the President's major award. I've complied a list of those far, far more deserving of this year's prize, and when you see it, you'll agree, the Nobel Committee really missed the boat this year...
1. Sarah Palin -- I honestly thought she had this locked. Anybody who can see Russia from her house and take a hard line against those who pall around with terrorists should have been a shoo-in.
2. Glenn Beck -- He's done more to improve race relations globally than President and 70 million voters combined.
3. Rush Limbaugh -- For wishing to see the President, and by extension the United States of America, fail. That's a sentiment the world can definitely get behind.
4. John Bolton -- Really, a retroactive type of award, for his graciousness, tact, and good charm on the world stage.
5. The International Olympic Committee -- They single handedly put Obama and the City of Chicago in their rightful place. Good for them, losers!
6. Anne Coulter -- Because bombing the New York Times building would bring us world peace. Instantly.
7. Dick Cheney -- Anybody who shoots his buddy in the face defines the ideal of "peace through strength."
8. The guy who showed up to an Obama rally with a gun -- Hey, what you call a "terrorist" we call a "peacekeeping freedom fighter."
9. Orly Taitz -- Her continued struggle to convince people she isn't batshit insane should be an inspirational force to the world at large.
10. Michelle Bachmann -- for sowing the seeds of unity in the United States...provided you live in the pro-America areas of this great nation.
11. Pat Buchanan -- For finally putting to rest that horrible assumption that Adolph Hitler didn't want to start World War II...how could the Nobel Committee have overlooked Hitler in his day?
12. Joe Wilson -- Because calling the President of United States a liar on national television, before a joint session of Congress, and making a general ass out yourself demonstrates your ability to broker peace.
13. Karl Rove -- Seriously, do we need to explain this one?
14. Michelle Malkin -- See Number 13.
15. Bill O'Reilly -- F*** it, he did it live!
16. Sean Hannity -- Look, waterboarding isn't torture. If the global community can't that through their thick skulls, it's no wonder why Hannity will never be in Stockholm.
17. Grover Norquist -- Two things in Grover's favor. First, he's of Swedish descent, so the Nobel Committee should be all over that. And second, he warned the world that the estate tax was a lot like the Holocaust. Seriously, the world is safer with that knowledge.
18. Jeff Sessions -- Fighting the good fight, attempting to protect the world from those pesky uppity wise Latina Supreme Court Justices.
19. Condi Rice -- Seriously, have we ever had a better female Secretary of State? (Quiet, Madeleine and Hillary).
AND FINALLY...
20. President George W. Bush -- No President has ever advanced the cause of peace more than Bush. Whether plunging us into wars in the Middle East, threatening all those around us that you are either "with us or against us", or giving the friendly massage to a female head of state that just happens to be the Chancellor of Germany, President Bush brought us all together as a world community.
Now watch this drive...
So there you have it. You can see why the conservative world is gnashing their teeth and terribly upset at President Obama's award.
Their candidates were far, far more compelling.