10/7/09
In honor of the Monday Holiday of Columbus Day, today Nobel Peace Prize Winner President Barack Obama made a small anecdote at a press conference today about Christopher Columbus and how he found out that the world was not flat.
The Blackberries were abuzz with Twittering and by the late afternoon, Michael Steele, speaking for the Republicans said that in spreading "Socialist Leftist Propaganda about a round earth," President Obama continued his crimes of revisionist history.
"The world is flat and it has always been flat," Steele claimed. "He needs to admit his ignorance or he cannot say he's bipartisan."
The next day Congresswoman Michelle Bachman (R) and Congressman Steven King (R) had written new legislation demanding that all schools teach that the world is flat and any school refusing to do so, will have its funding revoked.
Later that day on his radio show, Rush Limbaugh railed about how the world is laughing at us for believing that the world is round and that Obama has finally "jumped the shark." He encouraged the "Dittoheads" who were parents to remove their children from the "Spherebiased" schools until that was removed from the school curriculum.
On his ratings bonanza show on the Fox News Network, that night, Glen Beck cried about the "ignorance passed down to our nation's most vulnerable, our children" and addressed the "Real Americans" to march on the Mall in Washington, DC on Monday, October 12 for a Flat Earth Patriots Party.
About half a million people were present for the march and clamoring for "the end of round world liberal indoctrination" became louder and louder as time passed. Campaign ads now included the candidate's views for or against Amor (Americans Of a Round-Earth) or FEAR (Flat Earth Association of Republicans.) And FEAR's numbers grew larger as time went on.
Tony Perkins and the American Family Association tied the Round World beliefs with homosexuality because globes look like buttocks and demanded that globes and other immoral spherical objects be banned.
A day later, Paul Matthew was arrested with two others for bombing a Discovery store because they were selling globes. Glen Beck backed away from Mr. Matthew saying that he never advocated violence but Rush Limbaugh started the Free Paul Matthew fund so Mr. Mathews he could make bail and so he could afford the best lawyers.
He needed it because Orly Taitz filed motions about how Matthew's incarceration was not-legitimate because the police were obvious "Round Earth scum" who were in cahoots with the Obama traitors. After that, Matthew needed a real lawyer.
When the names of the police who arrested Mr. Matthew were leaked, they, as well as their families were harassed and assaulted. This was by their own Brothers in Blue who were loyal to FEAR.
Then Matthew became a martyr when he was found dead in his cell. He committed suicide by hanging himself but when that cause of death was released, FEAR wanted the real reason. Glen Beck, Rush Limbaugh and the whole Republican party demanded answers and an end to the "cover-up."
Things deteriorated from there. FEAR's leader Luke Michaeljohn tied it all together:
"Obama's "belief" of a round world is just a form of Affirmative Action. A round world would bring "diversity" but it's really the first principal of the Communist Manifesto. Kenya, where our socialist traitor was born is not on the flat earth. Therefore he can't be President because he's not even from this world!
This was just what the true believers were waiting for and the match that lit the tinder to explode in an inferno. They wanted blood and they were going to get it.
President Obama didn't want to step in that minefield because that would mean he was appeasing FEAR. But after the bombing of more stores and schools and the subsequent slaughter of teachers, President Obama knew he had no choice anymore.
He held a press conference approximately six months after the press conference that started the whole fiasco. Ever the pragmatist, Obama said that perhaps the "theory of a round world" needed to be examined and the earth may be flat after all.
The Blackberries were busy with the Twitterverse all aflutter.
By the late afternoon, Michael Steele, speaking for the Republicans said in spreading "Socialist Leftist Propaganda about a flat earth," President Obama continued his crimes of revisionist history.
"The world is round and it has always been round," Steele claimed. "He needs to admit his ignorance or he cannot say he's bipartisan."