Breaking news from official sources in Washington, D.C.:
President Barack Obama will be announced tomorrow, October 15, as the winner of the 2009 Heisman Trophy--the 75th winner of the prestigious trophy since its inception in 1935. Questioned briefly by the AP's Helene Tomas, President Obama indicated that he "had done nothing," "jack and squat," to deserve the award but that he felt "humbled by the process and would gratefully accept it on behalf of all American sportsmen". Knute Lombardi, the head of the Heisman selection committee and son of legendary Packer and Redskin coach, Vince Lombardi, acknowledged that the choice of Obama was a surprise. Lombardi opined that although Obama has never played football, that had he taken time from his busy schedule as a law student to do so, he might have done more to "advance the cause of athletics in America than anyone." He added that if Obama had played football "he would have certainly achieved great success because he's one shifty dude. What an open field runner he coulda been! Whatta arm the lad has! he passes on most everything!"
The Heisman Committee will present the President with the 25 pound cast bronze award designed by the noted sculptor Frank Eliscu at a ceremony later this year in New York City.
www.officialusagovt.doc/obama-wins-Heisman-Trophy.html
Meanwhile,Steve Spurrier, head football coach at the University of South Carolina, hailed Obama's great achievement:
"At first I had my doubts," admitted the 1966 Heisman winner, "since he basically has never played football at any level and since the season is only half over. Some might say its premature and I think he's more of a hoops guy. But on second thought, the end around he gave the front five of that Norwegian Peacemakers Team basically had them faked out of their lutefisk-stained jockstraps. There's a lotta shiftiness in the man and he can juke most anyone. Spurrier, however, warned the President that the Heisman in and of itself is no guarantee of success at the next level of play."
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www.scarolina.edu/obama-wins-heisman-steve-spurrier-comments.
The Heisman follows Obama's recent string of wins including the Nobel Peace Prize and the Decisive Leader-Profiles in Courage Award sponsored by the Harry Reid Foundation of Nevada.