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From Mt. Vernon, Illinois, where the town slogan is, "We're not nearly as boring as Mt. Carmel, Illinois"........

BiPM is absconding with our funds and going hiking the Appalachian Trail taking a long weekend, so I am stepping in to provide this morning's entertainment.  I'm reporting from Mt. Vernon once again, where I am working three days this week.  

Cheers and Jeers begins, with news from around the nation, around the world, and up your alley! ("Up my alley?"  Up yours!)

DISCLAIMER: AAbshier's Cheers and Jeers are not affiliated in any way, shape, or form, with Bill in Portland Maine's Cheers and Jeers.  The use of the words  JEERS  and  CHEERS , the swoosh/gong device, pie references, pootie pics, lusty wenches, mattress references,  whomps, moist, and flicked peas are all used with permission of Bill in Portland Maine and the members of the C&J Café community.  Any further resemblances to BiPM`s Cheers and Jeers are deliberately coincidental. So there.

NOTE: I haven't seen anything like it since the Anita Bryant concert.

Doc's Bad Joke of the Week
(in the gray box so you can avoid it and not miss anything else)

What, Exactly, Are Cats?

  1. Cats do what they want, when they want.
  1. They rarely listen to you.
  1. They're totally unpredictable.
  1. They whine when they are not happy.
  1. When you want to play they want to be left alone.
  1. When you want to be alone, they want to play.
  1. They expect you to cater to their every whim.
  1. They're moody.
  1. They leave their hair everywhere.
  1. They drive you nuts.

Conclusion: Cats are small women in fur coats.

(It must be why I love them so much!)

Cheers to an emerging primary fight.  No, not the one in Pennsylvania (that one has already emerged) but the one brewing in Florida.  Florida Governor Charlie Crist has been losing straw poll after straw poll to uber-conservative Marco Rubio in county Republican meetings.  His approval ratings as Governor have also fallen below 50%.  Given the less-crazy inclinations of the general Florida population, a Rubio win in the primary might, just might, get us another U.S. Senate seat.

Cheers to true love.  A 60-year old grandmother in Deeping James, England, had the decibel level of her snoring measured at 111.6 decibels, 33 db higher than that of the average washing machine, and about the level of a jet engine!  Amazingly, she is married, and has been married to her husband Colin for the last 18 years--but he has had to sleep in the spare room quite a bit.

Jeers to the Houston Oilers Tennessee Titans.  What the hell was that in Foxboro?  A 59-0 loss?  I'm beginning to think we've finally found a team the St. Louis Rams can beat! (Aside: The Flaming Thumbtacks were wearing Houston Oilers throwbacks.  Years ago, the Oilers lost a game to the Raiders, 56-7.  History repeats itself!)

Cheers to potentially a great future in the Republican Party.  Stephanie Velez-Gentry of Bellmawr, New Jersey, is running for the State Assembly.  Her backstory?  She owns her own business:

Stepfanie Velez-Gentry is the owner of Nookie Parties LLC. She makes a living organizing parties for women and couples where she sells sex toys, lotions, games, lingerie and other erotic items.

Not that there's anything wrong with that, of course, but you have to wonder how this will fit right in with the so-called party of family values!

Cheers to succinct summations:

Just saying: I suppose it was only a matter of time before Rush Limbaugh tried to buy some black people ("Think the Rams Couldn't Get Any More Despicable? Meet Their Possible New Owner," Chad Garrison).

J. Brad Hicks, via the Internet

Thankfully David Checkitts, the owner of the St. Louis Blues and the man leading the bid to buy the St. Louis Rams, dropped Limbaugh from the consortium.  

And Now, a Word from our Sponsor:

(it's from our erstwhile fraternal socialist allies in East Germany, if you're talking 1970 or so.  Love the oversteer of the Trabant in the ad also!)

Left-handed Cheers to one of my favorite LTE writers from my Alton Weekly Inquirer days, Chapo "Chapeaux" Jones of Swansea, Illinois.  He brings Teh Crazy, yet again, in Sunday's Belleville News-Republican Democrat:

WHAT IS GOING on in America? We have a president that is long on rhetoric but short on substance in his speeches. We have a Democratic congress considering the nuclear option, a way to prevent Americans from hearing honest debate on the president's socialist health care plan. To me, there's no difference between a nuclear bomb and the nuclear option. Both would be destructive and devastating to America.

Yes, reconciliation on the health care bill is just like dropping a nuclear bomb on a city.  Way to overdramatize, Chapeaux!  (Further down in the LTE's, James J. Price makes a bid to outcrazy Chapeaux.  Don't miss it!)

Jeers to conservative cutting-and-running.  A conservative friend of mine responded "yes" to a poll asking if welfare applications should be tested for drugs before recieving benefits.  The following conversation ensued (me in regular type, him in italics):

Me: So what happens then if someone tests positive?

Andrew, I KNOW you'll probably have a differing opinion on this too... but, I think they would need to work out some kind of policy to adequately and appropriately handle a program to screen Welfare recipients.

I work dang hard for a company that has subjected me (and others) to a required drug test every six months, and in addition, we are pulled for random drug tests throughout the year.... for the past several years. Our jobs can be on the line if tested positive for illegal substances.

Personally, I don't give a flip, I've got nothing to hide or worry about. I'm probably the straightest guy in the entire company.

But if my hard-earned money is financing a government program like welfare (striving to promote the basic well-being of individuals in need) with my taxes.... I think accountability with a drug screening program is not too much to ask.

Me: But you didn't answer my question. What happens when they test positive? You just throw them on the street with no benefits or help of any sort?

I am a very compassionate person, usually way too compassionate. What would you do Andrew?

Me: You're still avoiding the question. I'll give you my answer when you give me yours (and yes, I have one).

Thus endeth the conversation.  I should point out that he attends a megachurch in his local community.  Perhaps there's a megachurch version of Matthew 25:40 we don't know about.

Be very quiet when you hit the reco button: Inky is asleep!

Floor's open!  What do you have to Cheer and Jeer about today?

Originally posted to AAbshier on Mon Oct 19, 2009 at 06:31 AM PDT.


Do you snore?

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