There are so many words and phrases that people toss off casually without any comprehension of how hurtful they are. It is surprising that so few people realize the origin of some of their language and how many, when it is pointed out to them, resist changing.
I used to play World of Warcraft and ended up in guilds that had their share of significantly younger guys who threw these words out without a second thought.
A commonly used word was "raped," which was used for any situation in which one's character or team thoroughly defeated another character or team (male or female). So one might be playing when someone says, "I raped her so bad."
Ignoring the poor grammar, as a woman, I found this offensive. What if one of the other women in the guild (or men) had experienced rape? Is it really necessary to use this word to describe the situation? I even heard the phrase used on a news show once. Alternet.org has a good article by Mikki Halpin on the increasingly casual use of the term, particularly in sports, and its power to hurt.
Another frequent phrase used in my Warcraft guild was "Jew me," particularly in reference to a bad trade, as in "he was trying to Jew me" or "don't Jew me."
My boyfriend, who is Jewish, was at work one day when coworkers who were unaware that he was Jewish mentioned how they were "Jewed," which evolved into a discussion about the "Jews owning New York." This stereotype of Jews as greedy or cheap has persists for centuries, with some people seemingly unaware that it is, in fact, an insulting stereotype that others have played on in drumming up hatred against Jews. For an example of how oblivious some appear to be to the nature of this view, consider the South Carolina Republicans who felt they were praising Sen DeMint by saying he was "like Jews who are wealthy got that way not by watching dollars, but instead by taking care of the pennies and the dollars taking care of themselves." The Anti-Defamation League was quick to pounce on it.
Then there is "gypped." Growing up, I never knew this was a derogatory term referring to gypsies; I was also unaware of the origin of "Indian giver." Everybody said it. We also shared an offensive rhyme that started out, "Me Chinese, me play joke..." and another where you actually pulled your eyes up or down as you used the words "Chinese" and "Japanese."
I was an adult before I knew that Brazil nuts were, in fact, Brazil nuts. Growing up, my family referred to them without blinking as "ni**er* toes." This was another word used regularly among my family members with no one lifting an eyebrow. I spent my early years in a racially segregated neighborhood outside of Chicago, then lived in a small town in Wisconsin with no African Americans. No one ever mentioned the word was offensive. In fact, the word was used in "The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn," a book I liked in grade school. How many other kids grow up similarly ignorant?
My first effort at protesting the use of words/names that carry negative meaning for one group was a letter to the local paper about the "Redskins." I find it ironic that the NFL is quick to blast Rush Limbaugh's racist remarks, yet feign ignorance of how offensive some Native Americans find "redskins." While the etymology of "redskins" is hotly debated, no one disputes its eventual use as a perjorative for Native Americans.
My ex-husband is Native American, and he told me about the true origin of the rhyme many parents once sang to their children: "Ten Little Indians."
I decided to dig deeper into the history of Christie's book and play. The history is complicated and often cloaked in legend and misinformation. The origin of Christie's title is based on a song and chorus written in 1849 by a Philadelphia songwriter, Septimus Winner. His original rhyme,"Old John Brown," contained the refrain "one little, two little, three, little Indians." In 1866, Winner expanded the song and retitled it "Ten Little Indians." This version is replete with references to American Indians "out upon a spree," "dead drunk," in canoes, living in "wigwams" with "daddy Injun" and "mommy squaw." In 1869, Frank Green and Marc Mason created a minstrel tune, based on the song, for tenor G. W. "Pony" Moore to perform in St. James Hall in Picadilly. Its popularity with young children eventually established it as a nursery rhyme.
Although the excerpt from the above article does not make this clear, the rhyme involves the deaths of the "Indians," corresponding with the common view in the 1800s that "the only good Indian was a dead Indian." The word "Indian" was later changed to an offensive word against blacks and performed in minstrel shows. Then, the publisher of an Agatha Christie novel--*And Then There Were None*--changed it back to Indian, and left the offensive verses.
There are many more instances of insensitivity to other cultures and races embedded in our language and popular culture. Some are now widely recognized and people are called on them immediately. Others are still repeated all too often, thoughtlessly, by all ages. At times, they are used deliberately to attack, as we have seen many Republicans do against Obama.
I find myself constantly admonishing my children for calling one another "retarded." Another word too frequently used to attack people is "gay"--because to some ignorant people, nothing could be more insulting than being "gay." Now that gay has been adopted as a common term for homosexual, embraced by advocates for homosexuals, the ignorant have increasingly seized on another word--faggot. Sometimes, they use it jokingly, calling their friends "faggot." I wonder how many gay teenagers, not yet out about their sexuality, wince when the term is used, even jokingly. The etymology of this word as a derogatory term for homosexual is unclear, but it is a wholly American invention. Whatever its origin, there is no mistake about the user's intent now.
We also see what seems like reasonable people behaving with bone-headed insensitivity. How many times has someone claimed Barack Obama a Muslim and someone else, instead of saying "no," hotly denies it, as though being called a Muslim is a grievous insult? Remember John McCain's defense of Obama?
"No ma'am," he says. "[Obama's] a decent family man, citizen, that I just happen to have disagreements with on fundamental issues."
Colin Powell offered the right answer:
"The correct answer is: 'He is not a Muslim. He's a Christian. He's always been a Christian.' But the really right answer is: 'What if he is?'" Powell said. "Is there something wrong with being a Muslim in this country? The answer's no. That's not America. Is there something wrong with some 7-year-old Muslim-American kid believing that he or she could be president?"
I think it is important to call people out on their use of offensive language that others find hurtful, even when it is not used with malicious intent, even when it is used by people we admire, and even when our heart sticks in our throats as we utter an admonishment.
After visiting my relatives in Mississippi, who used the N-word with no sense of shame, my cousin proposed coming to visit me. I told her my neighbors and good friends were black and I did not allow that kind of language in my home. I love my cousin, warts and all--but she decided not to visit me.
In some cases, people simply need to be made aware that what they are saying is not acceptable; when explained to them, they will choose themselves to avoid such language in the future, and you are doing them a favor. In other cases, confronting them might, at the very least, make them think twice before they use the word again.