Welcome to SheKos! SheKos is a diary series where both female and male Kossacks raise topics related to feminism, women's issues and causes related to improving women's lives. The Democratic Party has made some hefty promises to women, and we're here to help remind them of that.
Here's a snarky little story I like to tell about my snarky wife.
Back when Mrs. Droogie was pregnant with Droogie Jr., (who back then was known was "Bun" because we didn't know whether he'd be a boy or a girl) I returned home from work one day to find my wife stirring up a big pot of something.
She looked at me and said, "Hey, what am I?"
Perplexed, I stammered a bit and took a stab: "Uhh... my wife?"
She gestured toward her feet, which were bare, smiled and said, "I'm barefoot and pregnant, in the kitchen cooking you dinner."
I bring this up to make the point that while we might joke about the kind of sexism that likes to tell women what their "place" is, it wasn't a joke for those who came before us. Our parents -- our moms -- lived their lives with so many limits.
Take a look at this snippet from a magazine called "Housekeeping Monthly," dated May 13, 1955:
(Credit to SheKossack annrose for the graphic. She tells me the graphic may not be real -- Snopes lists its veracity as "undetermined" -- but I feel it's a pretty good representation of past attitudes.)
In case you can't read it, it's targeted toward housewives, and purports to tell them how they should greet their husbands when they get home from work. A few lowlights:
"Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready, on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs."
Or, instead of glazing a whole ham or stuffing a giant turkey, you could just tell him you're glad to see him, I guess... Oh, wait. There's more?
"Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking."
Where are you supposed to sneak in 15-minute nap when you're putting together this humongous feast mentioned before?
"Catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction."
Just trust us, OK? Man-pleasin' is fun!
"Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all the noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum."
If you want to appear really refreshed, consider sitting on an unbalanced load of laundry in the dryer before he arrives!
"Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him."
Even as you gag on the rage you feel at being expected to do every damn thing in the house so he can relax.
"Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first — remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours."
Even if a sentient giant squid devoured the children and the president stopped by for high tea, your man's story about how his Snicker's bar got caught in the break-room vending machine is far more important than your ridiculous life.
"Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner, or other places of entertainment without you."
If he neglects to notice the dinner you've prepared and instead heads out to Applebees to make drunken passes at the female waitstaff, that's just another of marriage's fun little quirks.
"Have a cool or warm drink ready for him."
Don't make him ask for a beer, you silly woman. Have it ready! And in case he doesn't feel like beer, boil some coffee too. Gotta be prepared for his every whim, you know.
"Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice."
Consider dialing a phone sex hotline to help you develop the ideal low, soothing and pleasant voice.
"Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him."
I'm sorry. Did we say master of the house? We meant master of you. But don't worry. He knows what he's doing! Don't let the glazed look of confused frustration convince you otherwise.
"A good wife always knows her place."
And if you forget your place, please remember to ask the nearest man.
In case you think this is laying it on a little thick, it was a pretty pervasive attitude. It's not that hard to find examples of this way of thinking. Take a look at this Mystery Science Theater 3000 clip, which was actually produced as an educational film! Imagine showing stuff like this to kids.
Once again, the message is the same. Family life is predicated upon female-to-male subservience, self-censorship and emotionless protocol. Some members of the family have their needs scrupulously looked after, and others can only expect to serve.
The way my wife and I treat each other at home is never something I considered to be "feminist" in nature, really. It's just the right, fair thing to do to divide up the work and make sure everyone gets their needs met as best as possible.
But when you look at the past -- really the very recent past -- it's downright radical to suggest that the men in the house should pull their weight too. The house I grew up in was pretty traditionalist. Dad worked, Mom did all else. I decided my house would be different, and found someone who agreed.
Mrs. Droogie generally does the cooking, but that's because Droogie Jr. starts to go mental if he hasn't eaten by 6:00, so if there's a man in charge of things in our house, it's him. And he gets a break because he's 18 months old.
When it's time to clean, we divvy it up. Someone distracts the kid while someone else cleans the bathroom. Someone has to keep Droogie Jr. away from the cleaning fumes anyway.
We have simple agreements that we both try to stick to. Whoever cooks, for example, never does the dishes. So that means I usually do the dishes. Whoever gives Droogie Jr. his bath, the other feeds the dog and cat and gets his bedroom ready. One person cleans the bathrooms, the other cleans the rest of the house. One mows the yard, the other edges, and so on.
And if someone's tired out or sick or has just had a hard week, the other person gives them a break and pulls double-duty. I'm not going to say this always works perfectly. There's no way to run a house that always works. But this has worked pretty well for us.
A new study shows that for husbands and wives alike, the more housework you do, the more often you are likely to have sex with your spouse.
Earlier studies have hinted at this connection for men; the sight of a husband mopping the floor or doing dishes sparks affection in the hearts of many wives. But the more-housework-equals-more-sex link for wives, documented in a study of 6,877 married couples published online recently in the Journal of Family Issues, is a surprise.
If equality and fairness aren't reason enough to be more mindful of who is doing what in the house, consider the other advantages. Statistics prove that the more housework you do, the more likely you are to get laid -- no matter what your sex is.
Now that's something we can all agree on, eh?
I hope you've enjoyed this installment of SheKos. Be on the lookout for future diaries!
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