Last night on his show, Stephen Colbert dedicated The Wørd to the idiocy of denying Gays the rights to claim the bodies of their loved ones (even if they managed to be legally married after pointing out the idiocy of the Catholic Church claiming that it would no longer be able to serve the poor if D.C. passes a new law.
The Catholic Church in DC stated that it would be:
unable to continue the social service programs it runs for the District if the city doesn't change a proposed same-sex marriage law, a threat that could affect tens of thousands of people the church helps with adoption, homelessness and health care.
The Catholic Church feels that the law would be restricting its religious freedom even though it would not be required to perform same-sex marriage it would only have to comply with the anti-discrimination rules:
Fearful that they could be forced, among other things, to extend employee benefits to same-sex married couples, church officials said they would have no choice but to abandon their contracts with the city.
Oh no! Employee benefits! Of course this implies that the church would actually be employing Gays who get married. Isn't being Gay an abomination in and of itself? So if they are hiring the Gays, why shouldn't the Gays be given the same benefits as the Non-Gay?
Thankfully, local legislators don't seem to be falling for it:
The church's influence seems limited. In separate interviews Wednesday, council member Mary M. Cheh (D-Ward 3) referred to the church as "somewhat childish." Another council member, David A. Catania (I-At Large), said he would rather end the city's relationship with the church than give in to its demands.
"They don't represent, in my mind, an indispensable component of our social services infrastructure," said Catania, the sponsor of the same-sex marriage bill and the chairman of the Health Committee.
This, to me, is a classic example of why there needs to be a separation of Church and the State-- a COMPLETE separation.
Stephen spent the bulk of The Wørd reaming Gov. Carcieri for vetoing a bill that would have allowed Gays to have burial right for their dead partners/husbands/wives.
Here is the video and a transcript. I typed the transcript myself, so bear with any errors:
Here it is on Hulu if you have issues with the Colbert Nation site.
The Word (SC= Stephen Colbert, SB= Side Bar):
SC: Nation, life is full of little ironies, none greater than the fact that God decreed that gays must never marry, but then made them such great wedding planners. Gays, I believe thou hast been punk’d. But homosexuals just won’t give up trying to create a nightmare future where they live in committed, loving relationships! And they don’t care who it hurts, folks. Look no further than Washington, D.C., where if a same-sex marriage law passes, as expected, the Catholic Church has announced that it will be "unable to continue the social service programs" it provides for the cities, including shelters that serve "one-third of Washington’s homeless people."
I mean they have no choice, after all Jesus said "If you wish to be perfect, go and sell [all of] your possessions and give the money to the poor" "unless a couple of dudes register at the Pottery Barn, in which case f**k the poor. " (picks up fortune cookie and cracks it, then wipes off desk) ". . . in bed" That is my own translation from the Aramaic.
Now either these gays are too selfish to see they’re ruining God’s commandment to be charitable, or that’s part of their plan! You see gays ruin everything sacred. Just look at what Michelangelo did to the Sistine chapel! They’ll never scrub that stuff off! Well now they’re coming after the most sacred human right of all and that brings us to tonight’s Word:
SC: Skeletons in the Closet!
SB: "Skeletons in the Closet"
SC: Folks, last year Mark Goldberg a Rhode Island resident and confirmed homosexual—we have confirmed that right?
SB: Check
SC: Okay, good. Was kept from claiming the body of his partner even though the two had been together for 17 years and were married in Connecticut. Not only was he not allowed to claim the body, he couldn’t put an obituary in the paper. Although, that might just be because there aren’t any newspapers left in Rhode Island.
SB: Mafia wraps Fish In Laptops
SC: So of course, of course, the left-wing legislature decided to grant gays "special rights" (with quotation fingers) like the "right to claim the bodies of--and make funeral arrangements for-- their loved one." Typical activist legislator, legislating through legislation.
SB: How A Bill Becomes Bill & Gary
SC: Thank God, Thank GOD, Rhode Island Governor Donald Carcieri vetoed the bill calling it quote "A disturbing trend. . . of the incremental erosion of the principles surrounding traditional marriage." Exactly! The gays are always trying to steal the BEST parts of marriage.
SB: Getting Fat Together
SC: You know, like claiming the body of your spouse. This is an assault on marriage from beyond the grave! They’re like Gay Zombies. They start with marriage, but what they really want is to change our minds. That’s right, these Gay Zombies want our Braaaaaaains (puts hands up like claws, wiggles fingers, then snaps in a Z motion before doing the claw movement again). Governor Carceri knows this is even more sacred than the sanctity of marriage
SB: The Sanctity of Buryage
SC: You’re married for what? If you’re lucky 50 years. You’re dead for ETERNITY.
SB: And Talking To Jennifer Love Hewitt
SC: But folks, I say, God did not intend for death to be between a man and another man! Death is between one man, and one very hungry worm.
SB: Lost Page of ‘The Very Hungry Caterpillar"
SC: Now, let’s suppose that one day, one day, God forbid the governor dies. How’s he supposed to rest in peace knowing that two plots over two dudes are busy being gay and dead?
SB: Gives New Meaning to Headstone
SC: Remember, remember folks, Jesus said what is bound on earth is bound in heaven. If we bury them, GAY, together down here, they’re gonna be gaying it up in the Afterlife! That’s not heaven! Heaven is singing in a choir in a flowing white robe wearing little white wings playing a harp! You know. . . guy stuff!
SB: Don’t Ask How The Gates Got Pearly
SC: And the governor—and folks I believe, I believe that the governor might not be going far enough. If we really want to protect the sanctity of traditional decomposing, it might be time to bar Gays from having funerals. Now hear me out, hear me out, I am not a monster. I am in favor of civil end of life ceremonies.
SB: Eulogy delivered by DMV Clerk
SC: Now it’s just like a funeral, except legally you don’t have to bring a covered dish. And instead of defiling our traditional graveyards, Gays can have their own same-sex cemetaries. We’ll call them "same-ateries"
SB: Totally R.I.P.-ped
SC: All the governor and I are saying, is that we shouldn’t have to watch them flaunt their alternative death-style. So no open caskets, and no viewing of the gay deceased. Because if Gay couples are going to die, in accordance with their present legal standing, they need to be dead, the same way we want them to live. Invisibly.
SB: Skeletons in the Closet
SC: And that’s the Word, we’ll be right back.