The personal is the political. On days like today, that hits way too close to home. I'm glad for the recently enacted hate crime legislation, but ENDA still remains up in the air.
A little backstory:
I am an out, proud, and unapologetic trans woman. I am also a research scientist. Normally, these two things are unrelated. Normally.
In the past, I have lost two different jobs, in two different states, for the expressly stated reason that I was transexual. There was and is no federal law prohibiting this behavior on the part of my former employers.
In the first case, I ended up leaving the state and city that I had resided in my entire adult life and moved to a state with gender identity protection. This almost certainly contributed to my loss of contact with my children. In fairness, contact is reestablished with them. Time was lost, but not connection.
In the second case, the discrimination was too subtle to be actionable under the state law that is supposed to protect those like me. I state this as a fact of life. I moved on to better employment.
Late last year, I became unemployed due to circumstances beyond my, or my employer's, control. I was unemployed for 6 months, in a down economy. In the late spring, a temp agency contacted me regarding a position at a Very Large Company. This position is one for which I could possibly be uniquely qualified. I was hired, and things have gone really quite well. The group of folks I work with on a daily basis are consummate professionals, and a joy to work along side. I have worked there for several months, and the word 'trans' has never even come up in conversation. They couldn't have cared less. I was very happy. I felt safer than I probably ever have in a job since my transition. I let my guard down, which is always a mistake.
Today, as is my wont, I indulged my favorite morning vice (coffee), and it had it's normal effect: I eventually had to use the restroom. I entered the one I usually use, next door to my lab. As I entered, I heard voices in conversation. This is odd, as the restroom is seldom in use by even one other at any given time. Then I heard the tone being used. The person spoke in voice dripping with disgust and hate. I listened more closely. She began relating how she had encountered 'some guy who shouldn't be in our bathroom', saying 'It' should not be allowed to do such a disgusting thing in 'their bathroom.' She said, 'I smiled because, like, what else could I do.' 'I'm so disgusted. Just ewwwww!'
I was pretty devastated by this point. In my Very Large Company, I am only aware of one or two other transwomen, and neither of them work in my building. I don't think I'm exactly jumping to any conclusions to figure out that they were referring to me.
In my experience, when I hear myself or another being referred to as an 'It', and in that tone, violence is likely to ensue. I left the bathroom, and I doubt they knew it was me who overheard them. I loitered in the hall to observe who they were, and I didn't actually recognize them.
My productivity for the rest of the day has been pretty well shot. I've been looking over my shoulder all day, wondering who's saying what behind my back, and wondering if someone will get wound up enough to take action. I have preemptively removed all personal itmes from my office so nothing can be stolen or damaged. I left my photos, because they are just copies and I want them there. I haven't eaten much today, because I'm pretty jumpy and nauseous.
Late in the afternoon, I had a meeting with the onsite representatives of the temp agency I work for. They very diligently recorded all the details I could remember, and gave me the feeling that they are going to treat this very seriously.
It's fairly ironic that this is happening this week:
http://www.transgenderdor.org/
This year we will be memorializing a record number of names.
I don't want to be the next name on that list because I was insufficiently paranoid. Right now, I am doing my absolute best to trust NO ONE.