Since the Republican Party has exclusive rights to tell people what's in the Bible and how every last little passage should interpretted, I figured I'd take a page from their Bible and show you how I think it reads.
Jesus of Nazareth was a health care provider. One day, He was out among the poor, the homeless and the unwashed, and a man afflicted with sores and lesions came to him and said, "My Lord, heal thy sevant." And Jesus spake and said unto him, "My son, may I have your insurance card to start?". And the man was ashamed, for he had no insurance card, and said unto Jesus, "my Lord, I am poor and unemployed, and my COBRA has run out." And Jesus looked at him with scorn and said unto him, "get thee from my sight until thou art gainfully employed and thy insurance is in force for 30 days." And the man with sores and lesions departed.
Next, a leper came to him and he said, "My Lord, heal thy servant." And Jesus spake and He said unto the man, "My son, thou hast a pre-existing condition. Thy insurance surely would not cover this. Go thou to Samaria or some other European place where the Socialists there might cure you, but I cannot treat pre-existing conditions.", and the leper departed, and our Lord walked on.
In time, Jesus came upon a blind man, and the blind man fell to his knees and begged him, "My Lord, heal thy servant." And Jesus spake and said He unto the blind man, "Hast thou been blind since birth?" And the blind man said, "yea, verily, Lord, I have been blind since birth." And Jesus considered the blind man, and he said, "Surely by now thou hast seen a physician for thy ailment. Haveth thou a referral from thy Primary Care Physician?" And the blind man said unto him, "My Lord, I have seen no one! I am blind, and have been so since birth!" And Jesus spake and he said unto the blind man, "This doth smack of being a pre-existing condition, thou blind man, but perhaps there is some experimental therapy thou might enjoy. Unfortunately, thy insurance company covereth not experimental therapies, but perhaps thou might volunteer for a clinical trial at some place which soundeth like a condiment." And the blind man, confused, walked away to find a condiment.
Then came a man with a cleft palate, whose paperwork were all in order, and he said unto Jesus, "Lord, heal thy servant." And Jesus looked upon the man's insurance card and he said, "My services are not covered by thy agency. Calleth thy Insurance Agency and they shall find thee a physician within thy network." And he too departed.
And Jesus came upon a man with one leg, who looked at him and said, "Lord, heal thy servant." And Jesus spake and said unto him, "Give unto me thy insurance card." And the man produced his insurance card. And Jesus looked at the insurance card and saw that it was good. And then Jesus said unto him, "how long hast thou only had one leg?" And the man said unto him, "My Lord, only 15 minutes ago, a cart coming down this very street knocked me over and took my other leg." And Jesus spake and said unto him, "hast thou ever suffered an illness of the lungs, lesions of the skin, or sexually transmitted diseases?" And the man said, "please, my Lord, just heal my leg. I have been healthy my whole life." And Jesus became angry. "Thou who seekest to deceive me! I have seen the whole of your life as if it were written before me, and, when thou wert 15, thou had acne! Get thee from my sight, for, even with thy insurance, it meaneth nothing if thou gotteth it by fraud."
And Jesus was tired and wenteth to a coffee shoppe where the waiter came to him and whispered, "My Lord, I am afflicted with terrible breath, which impairs my ability to perform my job function properly. Please, my Lord, heal thy waiter!" And Jesus said to him, "Behold! I see thou art well employed. Does thy employer provide thee with health care insurance?" And the man responded, "Yea, verily, I have health insurance". And Jesus spake and said, "handeth me thy insurance card.", and the man said, "I am not in thy network" but the waiter persisted and said unto him, "My Lord, 80% of my pay is in tips, and verily, I can pay the additional co-pay with gold and silver coin." And Jesus was satisfied, and he healed the man of his chronic halitosis, which was covered by the man's insurance card, and the man paid the 30% out of network fee to our Lord in gold and silver. And Jesus blessed the man, and from that day forward, his tips tripled. For the Lord's rewards are always financial in nature, and you can always tell those who please the Lord by the size of their financial holdings.
And our Lord took his days pay and went back to His estate where His Apostles and hangers on were well tended to by his staff. And our Lord took repose by the pool and drank rum drinks with umbrellas in them brought to him by tanned and scantily clad employees. And the Lord smiled and said, "it is good to be a Republican".