To me Black Friday is the day I neglected lost my girlfriend to my best friend. One day I'll write about it since it was quite hilarious. To you Black Friday means either the most ridiculous shopping frenzy of the year or a perfect time to pick up insane bargains.
Well, as a seasoned shopper, allow me to give you a few pointers for a successful mega bargain hunting, replete with hints on being first at the door, how to fob off snooty salespeople with a raised eyebrow, how to appear nonchalant in the face of utter chaos, and most important, how to snatch the very best deal right under the nose of the most pesky & persistent buyers who might get there before you do. Tripping them with your feet is allowed.
Firstly, one has to be well prepared and that means a good night sleep. Forget about sex, it won't do you any good, you will need all your strength to clobber all and sundry in your path to the holy bargain.
Get up at the crack of dawn and prepare a hearty breakfast. Lots of bacon and fried eggs (hat tip to lulu57). You will need proteins. Do not wash. Instead apply grease all over your body. Think and feel like a S.E.A.L. Dress carefully in a camouflage outfit. Your natural odours coupled with your ferocious outlook will put off the majority of shoppers who will feel compelled to give you breathing space. Pack a few health bars in your knapsack, a thermos filled with strong coffee, and a tin filled with cracked black pepper designed to confuse and put off some of the more adventurous shoppers in your way.
Drive to the store of your choice and - forcibly - make your way to the front of the door. Do not speak English. Try grunting. This will cheese off early risers. If they persist yodel at the top of your voice. No one likes yodeling, it will give you the benefit of being first in when the door opens. Remember to use the pepper liberally, damn it! You are a progressive, no one gets in the way of the object of your desire.
Remember that many stores have special policies that apply to Black Friday purchases only. Check prices beforehand, smartass! Will they price match against their competitors? You betcha! If several stores offer price matching for the product you are targeting, go to the store that is selling it at the highest price. Use reverse logic! Most likely the store with the highest price will have less people and less inventory shortages. Demand to see the manager in a loud voice. Will he price match against their newer prices? Find out pronto and threaten with legal action if not satisfied with response.
Are you giving up any warranties or guarantees normally associated with the product? Make sure you don't. Do not be surprised by any unusual conditions. Get the logistics. Does the store have special rules for jumping the lines? Are there any limits for hot items like iPhones and Mars bars? On Black Friday all bets are off. Select your items and offer to pay with a credit card.
Some credit card companies will allow you to:
Return items for a full refund if you have a good faith dispute with a merchant, like clobbering him over the head over a suspect item. Extend warranties on certain purchases, it will give some breathing space. Obtain insurance on certain purchases though I'm not sure why you should. Insist demand special rewards for shopping for specific items you need.
Be aware of the following scams (that's when a raised eyebrow counts):
bait and switch: make sure you are getting the model advertised and not a "comparable" model which stinks of last year's model. You are better than that. Package scams: if the item can only be purchased as part of a larger package, be certain the other items are things you can palm off at an inflated price. Say no to extended warranties. They are almost always a scam. If they refuse your logic use the yodeling again, people will think you are deranged and will comply to your demand(s). Refurbished deals: many stores sell refurbished items "as new." Do not fall for that pathetic trick, demand the real McCoy or you will unleash hell upon the store. How? That's up to you. Use your imagination.
Additional tips to note:
With all the buzz surrounding Cyber Monday, it may be tempting to wait out the deals for something cheaper you can buy from your couch. While some stores are already leaking what deals they will make available online the day of Black Friday, most experts agree that the Cyber Monday deals will pale in comparison. Yay!
What? Is it too late for this amazing advice? You have already shopped? Darn, gosh and poop! I knew I should have stayed in bed with the pooties!
And now a word from our sponsor:
Play nice! Happy Mojo Friday (and don't you dare NOT rec this diary!)
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TexDem (that's me) is not bound by the guidelines. Heh As I am: double heh! (PJ)
And now the real reason why we are here:
Our goal for Netroots For The Troops 2010 is $100,000.00 (cash or in-kind donations).
PLEASE DONATE HERE
We realize that you would like to donate something tangible to go inside the packages that will be mailed to the troops. Unfortunately, accepting in-kind donations from individuals is not practical in terms of storage and handling of the items. The Pittsburgh Convention Center is a union shop so we have more stringent rules that need to be followed. Instead, we will only be accepting corporate donations or cash from YOU to purchase items for the care packages this year.
Here’s how YOU can help:
- Please contact TexDem if you know someone who might be helpful in securing the corporate in-kind donations. To help you think of companies who could donate products, see below* for a list of potential items. Put your thinking caps on and let us hear from you. It takes time to get through the corporate processes so we need to hear from you ASAP!
- We are accepting cash from individuals and
beg ask that you DONATE HERE to contribute to this worthy cause. Your donation will enable us to purchase the things that we are unable to obtain through corporate donations, and will help to pay the costs of shipping them to our troops. This year your donations will be tax deductible, thanks to Netroots Nation and their partner Netroots Arts and Education Initiative, a California 501(c)3 corporation.
- Sign up for a diary! Don’t worry---we’ve made it easy for you. We’ve got a template set up, and all you need to do is add a small introduction telling us why you are donating, sharing a story of someone you know who has served or is serving, or any other thing you want to share that might help motivate others to donate.
- Do you know a service member who would like to receive a care package? Email a request to: NFTT.request@gmail.com before June 30 2010.
Please include all of the following information. Unfortunately we will not be able to process any incomplete requests:
Rank:
Last name:
First name:
APO Address Line 1:
APO Address Line 2:
APO Address Zip:
- Write letters to be included in the packages! If you need some ideas, rbutters wrote an excellent diary with tips on how to write letters to troops and why it’s so important to them.
- Help us assemble the packages in Las Vegas. It's fun! More information will be forthcoming for those of you who are going to be in Las Vegas and would like to help there.
- Please consider joining the NFTT FaceBook Group. Invite your FaceBook and non-FaceBook friends.
_____________________
*The following list contains some of the things we would like to include in the packages. Please let us know if you know someone who might be helpful in securing these corporate in-kind donations. (Please DO NOT send these items yourself! We have no way to accept them. Instead, your cash donation is the very best way to help make this happen on the ground in Las Vegas.)
- Baby wipes
- Mechanix gloves
- LED flashlights
- Gel shoe insoles
- Goop Cleaning Gel
- Powdered energy drinks
- Gel energy food packets
- DVDs and CDs
- Letters to the soldiers
- More suggestions coming soon
Important Note about Successful Online Donations
PLEASE DONATE HERE
When you make your online donation, the screen indicates that you are donating to Netroots Nation. This is the right screen! Rest assured all donations WILL go to NFTT. If you wish, feel free to use the comment area provided to note that your donation is intended for Netroots For The Troops. It isn’t necessary to do this however, as this is the only fundraising activity being conducted for Netroots Nation at this time. For further information about online donations, please read TexDem's diary on the subject.
TexDem's diary, last week, kicking off the NFTT drive. Please visit for further info.