It's not you, it's me.
Oh no, wait. It's you.
I'm not really good with overt cruelty and the like. And I've cried my eyes out over comments posted on Dkos time and again, and I'm just kind of done with that. I guess I don't have thick enough skin to withstand the barrage of insults regularly hurled in my direction. There is actually a person behind this keyboard, but I suppose it's easy for folks to forget that. Maybe there's some other way I can go about becoming a professional writer, but this vehicle no longer works. It's too painful and it feels all weird now.
And Jesus, I know already that there will be many, many people who will be more than happy to see me go. I expect this GBCW to be derided all over the damned place.
I think the one thing that truly stings is that I'm seriously a really nice and caring person, and some of my former Kossack friends have just been unbelievably mean to me. In most cases, I simply don't understand why. I know that I'm too open and giving and shit, and I'm too easily trusting, but maybe I just put faith in the wrong people. Dkos wasn't really a game to me. I spent a lot of time here and probably assumed that I was making connections with folks who didn't care or something. It was very difficult for me to look at the positive feedback I received when the negative feedback was so completely overwhelming and hurtful. I wish I cared about it less. I've always been a pretty sensitive girl.
I've made my share of mistakes here, and there are 2 threads of conversation that I completely regret even delving into, but I don't regret much else. I feel legitimately sad that so many Kossacks fucking hate my guts, but there's not much I can do about it anymore, nor do I want to. More than anything, though, it just feels like a wasted opportunity, all the way around.
I've removed my contact info from my profile so, unless you already have it, you won't be able to e-mail me. And I respectfully ask that the people who do have it only utilize it if we're already on good terms; I don't want any goddamned apologies from anyone after the fact. I am not in an especially forgiving mood right now.
I guess the difference between this and big-time professional writing isn't that I won't be insulted when I post articles in the future - it's that I won't believe that some of my friends are the ones doing the reading. My mistake.
For those that I adore, especially all the SheKos peeps, I am very sorry to leave like this and I will miss you greatly. I love a lot of people on Dkos, but the haters' voices are a lot louder. And no, I don't think I'm letting them win by leaving. I think I'd be doing a disservice to myself if I stayed, because it's just more than I can take now. I'm a good judge of what I can and can't handle, and when, and I can no longer take this. I'll be in touch with a few - you know who you are.
Thanks for the love, the banter, the fun, and the community. I'll miss that like hell. But I quit smoking over a month ago now, so I'm pretty sure I can kick this, too.
Best to you, Dkos.