I feel like I must ask permission now to have sex. I was informed by another DKOS user that it is very unfair of me to have sex if I cannot afford the consequences, because then everyone ELSE would have to pay for it. Well I cannot afford the consequences so I am here to humbly beg YOU, being part of the everyone ELSE, permission to have sex. I cannot afford an abortion and I cannot afford a child, but sex is something that I like very, very much and would like to continue to have. So, can i haz sex pleeze?
Even though I don't have as much money as you, I think I am a worthy person. I care about my friends and family. I have a job, it's even for a non-profit too. I try to donate and be charitable. I loveeeeeeeeee pooties (if you have a problem with that word, AHEM you know who you are, you can stuff it) and have rescued many. I currently have two and they cost an arm and a leg. Seriously, the arms and legs of my chairs are just demolished. My aunt was a nun... the GOOD kind! She says I'm wonderful in case you need a reference.
So now you know a little bit more about me, I'm hoping you will be kind enough to give me your blessing because I want very much to fornicate with my boyfriend. He's very good at it! I promise to use protection and will even do some charting thingy and limit sex to days on which I am probably not ovulating.
I also apologize in advance if something goes wrong, which something invariably goes wrong in my life because Fate knows I don't make enough money and likes to send me emergencies to test me. I know it will be an expense to you for me to have an abortion, since you pay taxes and I'm covered by government healthcare. I hope you can find it in your heart to freely part with the cent it will cost you for me to have an abortion. Please keep in mind that I cannot afford a child, which should be obvious since I cannot afford the abortion, and you will likely have to pay a lot more if I had a child instead of an abortion. I sincerely apologize if this sounds like extortion like another user has told me it sounds. That is not my intention. I only want to have what everyone with more money than me can have.
Please bestow mercy upon me.
Can I be human like everyone else? Can i has sex pleeze?
Update:
No Sex for You (0+ / 0-)
People who use abortion as contraception might not be deniable to get one when they can't handle the pregnancy or the child. Because society can afford to handle children born into that condition even less.
But since you asked: no, you cannot have sex if you can't avoid getting pregnant or handle the consequences.
Oh yeah, I doubt "fate" sends you emergencies to test you. I'd bet that you're just an irresponsible loser who won't even admit you create your own emergencies.
So what if maybe this diary is snark. There's plenty of people for whom it's perfectly sincere, except they're typically too deep in denial to ever post the truth like that.
"When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro." - HST
by DocGonzo on Sat Dec 19, 2009 at 06:18:44 PM EST
[ Reply to This |Recommend Hide ]
This is exactly why I wrote this diary. I now plan to find a job on wall street screwing people over, so I can make more money and be allowed to get screwed in return.
To the haters, poll option 1 wins. I'm having sex so neener neener neener.
Thanks to everyone else who added a thoughtful or hilarious comment! You're all the best.