Ahh, the post-holiday blahs. For the last time this year, the resident faculty of Blogistan Polytechnic Institute, made their way to the wine cellar library to drink think on our motto of Magis vinum, magis verum ("More wine, more truth"). They didn't look very excited, and why should they be? A week from now the new year will have been rung in and wrung out and it'll be back to the wintertime grind, counting the millenia months until there's another good reason to celebrate.
Or maybe it was this week's mail.
More below the fold....
Even the Professor of Astrology Janitor couldn't get excited about the staff poker game. It was, after all, the last staff poker game of the year, a chance to close out a perfect 0-for-52 season. When he peeked at a pair of Sixes and somewhat resignedly tossed his chips in to call Chef's raise, he knew the end of the story. She'd have a bigger pair (that much has long been obvious given that she is responsible for BPI being well-endowed) or she'd get an even bigger pair (though she hasn't talked about enlargement) or somehow whatever he had would end up not quite enough. So yes, two more Sixes fell on the flop, giving him a near-unbeatable four of a kind, but one was the Six of Clubs. When the Eight and Ten of Clubs fell on the turn and river, he knew she'd have the Nine and Seven of Clubs, the one possible hand that would beat him with a straight-flush. So he checked, because why lose more than he'd already lost. So she checked too and turned up a pair of Jacks and he looked at the pot: a whole two-fifty. With a decimal point between the two and the fifty. Oh yay.
Sensing his disappointment, she tried to emulate his plaintive mewling, thinking that might cheer him up. Instead he headed off to the kitchen to make rye toast with butter and jam, because nothing says "breakfast cheer" like rye toast with butter and jam. Or something.
While he reads the operation manual for the toaster, your lowly mail room clerk has time to peruse this week's pickings....
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Dear Ms. Crissie,
Why can't Democrats understand that it's different when Republicans spend money our country doesn't have? That's why I supported the deficit-funded Medicare prescription drug plan in 2003 but I oppose the deficit-reducing health care bill in 2009. It's just too expensive. Don't you agree?
Orrin in UT
Dear Orrin,
We get it. Democrats are bad. And you're a hypocrite. Yawn.
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Dear Ms. Crissie,
You shouldn't call my esteemed colleague from Utah a hypocrite. That's looking backward and dredging up the past is no way to move forward. Things are different now. America is in debt and Americans are unhappy about it, so Democrats can't do what we Republicans did and increase the deficit. It's time to be fiscally responsible.
Olympia in ME
Dear Olympia,
Yes, we understand. Republicans ran the U.S. economy into a ditch and took the emergency cash out of that hideyhole between the seats, and now you say we can't afford to use a credit card to call a tow truck because that wouldn't be fiscally responsible. So we should just sit in the ditch and elect more Republicans. Because Democrats are bad. Yawn.
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Dear Ms. Crissie,
Well, you could legitimately raise that issue. But I'd rather you didn't because it makes my party look bad. And conditions are worse now - being in that ditch and all - and Americans are more anxious because they know there's no money in that hideyhole. So rather than letting Democrats spend money we don't have on things we need, people should throw out the Democrats and elect Republicans.
George in OH
Dear George,
So Republicans can spend money we don't have on things we don't need, like more wars. After all, Democrats are bad. Yawn.
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Dear Ms. Crissie,
Now don't get cynical. There's a serious issue here, and the serious issue is socialism in America. That's why I'm calling for Americans to have a national strike on January 20th to destroy the corporations that are funding socialism by advertising in CNN and MSNBC and donating to Democrats. Otherwise the Democrats will bring in a socialist government and destroy the corporations and free markets this great nation was founded on under God.
Allen in GA
Dear Allen,
We're used to pretzel logic here at Blogistan Polytechnic Institute, but you've taken it to new heights. In order to protect corporations and free markets, Americans should go on strike to destroy corporations that advertise on any news network whose name is not Fox, or that donate to Democrats who will bring socialism and destroy corporations. In other words, Democrats are bad. Yawn.
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Dear Ms. Crissie,
Please stop yawning. It's making me sleepy and I'm only halfway through the operating manual. And I want that rye toast with butter and jam.
Yawning Amplifies Tummy Rumbling in Blogistan
Dear Professor of Astrology Janitor,
Put one slice of bread each into the slots on the top of the toaster. Push down the button on the front. When it pops back up, carefully take out the toasted bread and put it on a plate, then spread on the butter and jam. We could do with another coffee, too, but that involves the espresso machine and that's way more complicated than a toaster. Besides, it's your turn to deal.
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Happy Sunday!