I mean seriously, people. Why do men get to control my reproductive organs? Also, why the hell do (some) men make me weak-in-the-knees, unable to control the constant babble that is Shiz, only worse than usual?
Men men men. Argh. If the lot of you weren't so goddamned luscious, I would definitely vie for your immediate extermination. (I'm kind of kidding. Kind of.)
Case in point: Charlie Sheen.
Now, although Mr. Sheen is most certainly my "type" (I usually go for guys with dark hair and dark eyes), I have never found him even remotely attractive. As such, I am immune to his Charlie-speak, or the words that he utters into scaldingly bizarre excuses. He has absolutely zero reason to bullshit me, simply because I'm being too subjective by Charlie Talk and Yumminess™ to pay attention to anything even remotely realistic. Such is the law of Chemistry, and I respect it, baby.
So. Please believe me when I say that Mr. Charlie Sheen is fucking bad news. His latest tussle, this time with now-wife Brooke Mueller, sadly, paints a disingenuous and disgusting view of CBS, the producers of his show "Two and a Half Men". (And makes me wonder why I continually watch Craig Ferguson, but that's neither here nor there.)
But the surprising element in all of this is how relatively unscathed Sheen seems to be so far. A CNN report this morning put it best: "Scandals Don't Faze Charlie Sheen's Career."
Which raises the question, Why the hell not? CBS aired his sitcom "Two and a Half Men" — for which he earns a reported $825,000 an episode — last night as usual and has issued no statement on the events of Christmas. Hanes, with whom he has an endorsement deal, has likewise not distanced itself from its client.
Sheen's certainly not the first actor with a historic fondness for controlled substances and ladies of the town. So grudging props that he's managed to parlay that very public bad-boy reputation into a lucrative on-screen career. Oh, that Charlie! He's the philandering rake from that sitcom! And hey, the scandalous publicity just sent the ratings through the roof.
Sheesh. How does Emilio Estevez handle this crap? Emilio was the hotter bro of the two (The Breakfast Club, St. Elmo's Fire), and hell, he was even married to Paula Abdul back in the day! (Charlie had to one-up E by marrying Denise Richards, which was certainly a head and shoulders above Ms. Abdul, I have to admit.)
What's more, Charlie's dad, Martin Sheen, is most certainly an activist of the left (not to mention a fictional presidential character on The West Wing), what with him having been arrested numerous times for civil disobedience. I have mad love for Martin Sheen, but not for Charlie.
Mary Elizabeth Williams, from Salon, poises the perfect summation of the events of Charlie's disturbing past:
So while you can get fired from a hit TV show shortly after making a homophobic remark, and you can lose your beauty pageant crown after posing topless, you can also, apparently, make a career of abusing women and be the highest-paid actor on television.
Well, that's just swell! What's next? Am I in Utah? Who wants to see how many wives he can fit into his harem? Alright!