I've listed the commercial sponsors, in order, divided by commercial break, from the following Friday night Fox Noise current events programs:
- Glenn Beck's "912 Project" We Surround Them Infomercial
- Sean Hannity's "Barack Obama Is the Cause of All Loss of Wealth In the USA Especially Yours"
- O'Reilly's "No Idea I Could Not Bring Myself To Watch Anything But the Commercials Tivo-fest"
I have done this for three reasons:
- I teach media literacy, among other things, and record the commercials from 3 different types of tv shows each year, show those commercials to my students and challenge them to figure out which show they came from based on the advertisers choosing to sponsor them. This seemed like a fun alternative to that exercise.
- We may sleep better at night knowing we can make more informed decisions about whether or not we pay these blowhards' salaries through the products we purchase, or choose not to purchase.
- It made me smile to see Hannity's show begins with a painkiller and ends with Pepto Bismol.
Please discuss, cajole, interface, pontificate, and wax philosophic in the comments. I'll sponsor your every word...
Glenn Beck's Tears, Brought To You By:
- Caltrate 600-D (Calcium and Vitamin D combination supplement)
- Centrum Silver
- V-8 Soups (Butternut Squash are particularly surrounding)
- Geico (This fucking lizard shows up everywhere!)
- The New 17" MacBook Pro (Steve Jobs wants to surround us, too, mildly disappointed to see this one here)
- Sprint 3G Network
- Cablevision Optimum (local NYC) cross-promoting Wrestlemania 25 on pay-per-view (This one seemed oddly appropriate)
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- Friskies Indoor Delights
- Comfort Suites/Choice Hotels
- Waste Management Recycling
- Joseph A. Bank
- GMAC Financial (2.85% rate on 12 month certificates of deposit!)
- AT&T (Cross-promoting Blackberry)
- Symbicort (Asthma attack medication, in case you've lost your breath by this point in the show)
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- Ad for O'Reilly's Show Later Tonight
- Goldline International (Sell us your gold! Or buy ours! Gold Gold Gold!!! This guy reminds me of that villain in the Bond movie...oh, and there's this from their website):
Goldline is proud to announce that Fred Thompson has selected it as his exclusive gold and precious metals company.
- Cablevision (Optimum) again
- Cablevision Television Ads (you too can advertise on the teevee! Just like the next two low-budget produced local market ads:)
- Bronx Honda
- Safelink Wireless (in Spanish)
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- ExxonMobil (We're not even in the oil business anymore! We solve greenhouse gas and reduce global warming! Don't you feel better about us, now?)
- Help With My Credit.org (I have no idea if this one is legit, but it says it is an effort sponsored by BofA, Citi, Capital One, and Mastercard. If you're in a tight spot you may want to investigate it further...)
- Eggland's Best
- Avodart (Your prostate's too big! Shrink it with our little pill!)
- Humana Healthcare
"Sean Hannity Distorts American History and Current Events, and Hates the President, Because He's a Patriot!" Brought To You By:
- Bayer Aspirin (To prevent the heart attack your likely to have if you take this guy too seriously
- Bounty Paper Towels (To clean up the mess)
- Fox News Special Program with Bret Baier ($2 Trillion! $2 Trillion! And Henry Paulson says it is no one's fault!)
- Volkswagen CC Luxury Car (Glenn Beck just said that buying things was the wrong advice when "the government" gave it after 9-11 <he did say "the government" rather than naming GWBush, by the way> but Volkswagen seems to disagree. And that little vintage Beetle is so darn cute!)
- Glenn Beck/Geraldo Saturday Shows (Don't miss 'em, especially "if you feel alone.")
- Sargento Cheese (I think this one communicates itself, actually.)
- PearlVision (If you are watching this show and cannot see clearly, give us a call.)
- Christy Lane record album (Christybrings you the classics! I thought this one was an SNL spoof, Kristen Wiigwould be perfect for it, but it was real. Easily the most bizarre, surreal 30 seconds of this project. Except maybe for the vaguely closeted cartoon bears playing football with many bits of toilet paper stuck to their butts. Really. Wait for it, that one comes later in the list...But I'm sure she's a very nice woman. I hope she sells lots of records. It just won't be to me.)
- Huckabee's Show on Saturday
- Tiger Woods for Accenture Consulting
- James Lehman (www.transformmychild.com)(Promises to take your child from a back talking, rule breaking, school skipping, Kevin-Bacon-in-Footloose-disrespectful-mess to an Alex-after-the-Ludovico-Treatment-model-citizen-compliant-and-obedient-perfect-child in less than one minute with his free DVD which you can get at his website. Seems appropriate for this show, actually.)
- Ultra Downy Fabric Softener
- House (Fox show about a rude know-it-all bully. Explains the ad being on Hannity's program, at least.)
- TD Ameritrade (Known liberal Sam Waterston selling brokerage services on known conservative's teevee show. Link is to his dissing ads on teevee as distorting political discourse, too. Very cool.)
- Sleepy's Mattresses
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- Pinnochio on DVD (You have got to be kidding me. The story of a boy who lies advertising on a show by a man who lies. The symmetry!)
- Waste Management and Recycling
- Cialis (lots of happy people smiling through this one)
- Fox Movie Channel "Life After Film School"?
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- T. Rowe Price Investing
- Bounce (pet-hair repellant sheets, woozles and pooties and...ferrets?)
- Bones
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- Chris Wallace's Fox News Sunday Show
- LensCrafters Eyeglasses
- Gilette Hair Gel
- Brinks Home Security
- Rescue Me (With Denis Leary- great show!)
- Alpert & Kaufman (Bronx tort and liability attorneys)
- Big Apple Training
- Cablevision Optimum Business Internet
- Curepc.org (William Hurt encouraging us to donate for a cure for pancreatic cancer. Can't really snark this one, now, can I?)
"O'Reilly Talks To Rove About Something, Brought To You By:"
- ServPro (Cleans up fire and water damage, their logo: "Like it never even happened." Now that's a good sponsor for this show!)
- Thermacare (arthritis pads)
- Subaru Forester SVU
- AXA Equitable Retirement Planning
- Rescue Me
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- Greta Van Susteren
- Grasshopper Lawnmowers (who in NYC is mowing a lawn in mid-march?)
- AT&T HTC Fuse
- Charmin (A cartoon with bears with pieces of toilet paper stuck to their asses. I kid you not. They looked just like large Care Bears, playing football, or doing something else entirely. With toilet paper bits 'stuck' to their ass. You have to see this for yourself. I cannot do it justice. Is this really a problem for millions of people? Ass-paper-freckles?
Something your whole team will appreciate.
Really?
- Fox Movie Channel Friday Lineup
- The Lion King Broadway Musical
- Sleepy's Mattresses
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- Bass Pro Shops
- Applebee's (I've pretty much boycotted them since the "Bad Nachos" incident of '98 anyway...)
- Helpwithmycredit.org
- Volkswagen CC Luxury Car
- Head & Shoulders Conditioners
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- National Car Rental
- Phillips Colon Health (I'm really picking up a theme with GI tract products.)
- Terminix Exterminators
- Sprint Mobil
- Mr. Clean Bathroom Cleaning Products
- O'Reilly Factor
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- Fox Report 7pm (For your "fair and balanced" needs)
- Trusted Choice Insurance Agents
- Pearl Vision
- Stayfree Maxipads (Really.)
- Bronx Honda
- Hudson Pointe Rehabilitation
- Safelink Wireless (Get a cell phone through Medicaid. Yes, this was on Fox.)
- Sullivan and Kehoe Attorneys (Get federal benefits if you have been denied a claim)
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- IBM
- TD Ameritrade
- Avodart
There you go, and now you know. Do with as you wish, but remember, if you are watching Fox Current Events on Friday night, you may need your erection checked after 4 hours, the toilet paper shards removed from your ass, and some very random Stayfree maxipads (in my opinion). All while listening to the world's greatest and most famous voice (her ad's words, not mine): Christy Lane.
In fact, the suppositions about the "typical" Fox viewer based on these data could be almost endless. I encourage you to have fun with that in the comments, if you'd like. At least, I did. A little bit.