Welcome to The Mad Logophile. It is my intent to explore words here; their origins, evolution, usage. Words are fascinating. They are alive; they are born, they change and, sometimes, they die. They are our principal tool for communicating with one another. There are millions of words yet only an estimated 171,476 words are in common current use. As a logophile, I enjoy discovering new words, using them and learning about their origins. Why yes, I do read dictionaries for fun... don't you?
Wotcha, mates! Sorry I'm late... Lawd above! We're beef stroganoff ter jolly old England dis week, innit. Yes, the land of Big Ben and fish 'n' chips calls. So lets' louf ov bread below fer a bi' ov a do... OK?
Let's get the proper clobber on first. Ladies, start with a clean pair of knickers while the men get their pants (Y-front or boxers, your choice). If we were going to play football, the guys might want to tuck a box in there to protect the merchandise. Ladies who prefer skirts might want to wear a pair of tights underneath--careful of ladders! Guys--and girls who aren't wearing skirts--grab your kecks. If you're of Scottish descent, you may wear the tartan of your clan if you wish. Now, everyone get a jumper in your favorite colour. Since it's cold outside, we'll need a cardie, wind-cheater or mac. Since we'll be walking, we'll probably want to wear our trainers. But we can bring along wellies in case it rains. Men, park a trilby or a bowler on your head. Grab a brolly just in case.
Using these words in context should make it easy for them to be understood. But...
Clobber; clothes, possibly Scottish in origin. Brits also use clobber to mean hitting something, just as we do.
Knickers; ladies underwear, an abbreviation of the Dutch-derived word "knickerbockers." Also those old-fashioned knee-length trousers that some golfers wear.
Pants; mens underwear. What we call pants, they call trousers.
Y-front; tighty-whities.
Box; athletic cup
Tights; stockings or pantyhose.
Ladder; a run in one's hose
Kecks; another word for trousers. Also strides. If your kecks lag in the back, you may flash the dreaded builder's cleavage or duck run
Tartan; the plaid pattern worn by Scotsmen
Jumper; a sweater. Our jumper (a set of overalls with a skirt instead of trousers), is known as a pinafore.
Cardie; cardigan sweater
Wind-cheater; wind-breaker
Mac; abbreviation of mackintosh, a light waterproof jacket.
Trainers; sneakers or athletic shows
Wellies; abbreviation of Wellingtons, rubber boots or galoshes. From the name given to boots made popular by the Duke of Wellington.
Trilby; a mens felt hat (like a Fedora). The hat inherited its name from the 1894 George du Maurier novel, Trilby.
Bowler; mens round-topped hat, the quintessential British hat.
Brolly; umbrella
Right then. We're ready to go out and about. Should we go to the car park and get our saloon? Take the Tube? A trolley? Then we remember we had a prang in the roundabout the other day. That tailback was a real cock-up! It didn't help that we were rat-arsed... Now the bonnet and boot are bashed, both wings are gone and the windscreen is cracked. Gordon Bennet! It's the underground, then. We head for the zebra crossing with its Belisha beacons flashing and then through the subway to the Tube station.
Car park; parking lot
Saloon; sedan (though we'd rather have a sports car)
Tube; the London Underground.
Trolley; streetcar, tram.
Prang; a minor accident
Roundabout; traffic circle. There are roundabouts here in the U.S. but they are everywhere in Britain as there are no 4-way stops.
Tailback; traffic jam.
Cock-up; mistake, mess.
Rat-arsed; drunk.
Bonnet; hood of the car.
Boot, trunk of the car.
Wing; car bumper.
Gordon Bennet; general-purpose expletive. The Septic's Companion tells us
Its source lies in the mid-19th century with James Gordon Bennett, son of the founder of the New York Herald and Associated Press (who was also called Gordon Bennett, in case you thought this was going to be simple). Born with cash to spare, Gordon Jr. became legendary for high-roller stunts and fits of notoriety including urinating in his in-laws’ fireplace, and burning money in public. His name entered the lexicon as a term of exclamation for anything a bit over the top.
Underground; another term for the London Tube
Zebra crossing; pedestrian crossing named for the alternating black and white stripes.
Belisha beacons; yellow flashing lights on sticks that are positioned next to zebra crossings. They flash constantly to alert drivers. Named after Hore Belisha, Minister of Transport when they were introduced.
Subway; underground pedestrian walkway, what we call an underpass. No matter what you call it, it's a place where drunks go to pass out.
Now that we've left our flat we can visit all sorts of places. While our ultimate destination is the pub, we first have a few errands to run. As we stroll along the high street we come to the chemist and pop in for a some plasters and a bottle of sun cream. Passing by a close, we spot a creche. The sprogs are out playing in the garden, enjoying the childhood craic. The nearby bobby gives us a butcher's so we continue on out way. The tuck shop on the corner look inviting. So we duck in and buy some scrummy sweets including a a bag of smarties. Feeling a bit peckish now, we head for the chippy. Hmmm... maybe a sarnie and a bag of crisps? Too right! Standing at the counter we nosh our dinner, using many serviettes to stay clean.
Flat; apartment
Pub; abbreviation of public house. Roughly equivalent to a bar but much more sociable. The whole family can get meals here rather than singles getting paralytic.
High Street; main street
Chemist; pharmacy, drugstore.
Plasters; somewhat outdated term for band-aids.
Sun Cream; sunscreen.
Close; cul-de-sac.
Creche; day care. What we call a creche is a nativity.
Sprogs; children
Garden; backyard. To us, a garden is a place where specific things are grown, while in britain it's just the backyard, planted or not.
Craic; An Irish word denoting good times, fun.
Bobby; c'mon, you know this one! Also, the Bill, plod, rozzers and scuffers.
Butcher's; look. From Cockney rhyming slang, butcher's hook=look.
Tuck shop; candy store, traditionally. Nowadays it's more like a 7-11.
Scrummy; delicious. A portmanteau of yummy and scrumptious.
Sweets; candy
Smarties; small sugar-coated chocolate candies, similar to chocolate M&Ms (which are known as fizzers).
Peckish; hungry
Chippy; fish and chips shop
Sarnie; sandwich
Crisps; potato chips. Also any corn-based chip.
Too right!: an expression of agreement.
Nosh; eat
Dinner; mid-day meal, lunch.
Serviette; napkin
Arriving at our favourite pub, we belly up to the bar. "I could murder a pint!" we tell the barkeep. "Bitter or lager?" he asks. "Make it a shandy, instead. It's not half peasy out there!" We take our drink and have a seat by our mate. He looks a bit tetchy. "Wotcha mate! What's up?" we ask. "Well, I was on my way to Kathy Burke this morning when I spotted a carboot sale, innit? Hadn't seen one in a donkey's years so I stop. The punter shows me a box chocka with bobbins and bumf. That's nowt but Steve Claridge, I tells him. He susses that it's come a cropper so he tries to chivvy me on. Brings out a spanking pair of mole grips. So I asks him did he burgle them or they'd fall off the back of a lorry? Oi!, he says, have a shufti at 'em. I'll give ya a fair crack of the whip for 'em. But I know it's a mug's game. So then the yob tells me to keep schtum and closes the boot. I've had enough of the bounder, so I decided to grab a copper straight away. But no chicken and duck, he's scarpered. But I'm chuffed to see you, mate. You're a brick. Let's get pissed!"
Murder; finish quickly due to extreme thrist.
Bitter; proper beer, made with hops and served at room temperature.
Lager; lighter beer served cold. More like American beer.
Shandy; an alcoholic mix of lager and (British) lemonade. Usually 90% lager and 10% lemonade.
Not Half; absolutely!
Peasy; hot. Cockney rhyming slang, peas in the pot=hot.
Mate; buddy, pal.
Tetchy; annoyed or irritated.
Wotcha!; friendly greeting. Derived from "What's up with ya?"
What's up?; what's bothering you? More specific than the American version.
Kathy Burke; Cockney rhyming slang for work.
Carboot sale; someone selling from the trunk of their car.
Innit?; a meaningless all-purpose suffix. Performs the same function as "ya know?"
A donkey's years; a long time.
Punter; fellow who might be approached somewhat warily.
Chocka; full, crowded. Abbreviation of chock-a-block.
Bobbins; useless doodads
Bumf; garbage, junk
Nowt; nothing but
Steve Claridge; Cockney rhyming slang for garbage (say it with the accent)
Suss; to figure out
Come a cropper; gone wrong
Chivvy; urge, hurry along
Spanking; brand new
Mole Grips; what we call vise grips
Burgle; steal. Brits think our "burglarize" is just silly.
Fall off the back of the lorry; stolen
Oi!; Hey!
Shufti; look
A fair crack o' the whip; a sporting chance
A mug's game; something that will be a no-win situation
Yob; hooligan
Schtum; mum, quiet. It is derived from the German adjective "stumm," meaning being either unable or unwilling to speak.
Bounder; person who is generally no good, a bad egg.
Copper; yet another word for a policeman
Chicken and duck; Cockney rhyming slag for luck.
Scarpered; ran away
Chuffed; quite happy
Brick; dependable person; rock.
Pissed; drunk. Never used as we do, mad. Mad is crazy and pissed is drunk. Angry is aggro or shirty. Got that?
To include more funny and interesting slang, I have to resort to the dreaded list:
Afters; dessert, after dinner. What's for afters?
anorak: someone who’s a little bit too knowledgeable about one subject. Similar to a trainspotter or boffin.
Bagsie; like calling "shotgun" or "dibs". I bagsie the front!
Berk: idiot. Look, you berk, I said to put it there! The word originally derives from the rhyming slang "Berkeley Hunt" which rhymes with — well, "punt", among other words.
Bog standard: no frills. The basic version. My car is bog standard.
Clap: to applaud. In the U.K. to give someone a clap means to applaud them. Not to be confused with giving someone the clap, which means the same thing on both sides of the Atlantic.
Collywobbles: spine-tingling fear, heebie jeebies. Originally meant the fear of having an unexpected bowel movement.
Dischuffed: unhappy, the opposite of chuffed. When I got the bill from the hospital I was dischuffed to say the least.
Dodgy; shady, not as it appears to be. That pudding looks a bit dodgy. One of my favourite British slangs.
Fairy lights; Christmas lights. How very fey. ;-)
Fanny; female genitalia. Whatever you do, do NOT talk about your fanny pack in the UK! That is a bumbag.
Get off: to make out. Her ex is getting off with her sister! Not to be confused with our term "to get someone off," which means rather a lot more.
Gobsmacked: surprised, taken aback. I was completely gobsmacked!
Gormless; not very bright.
Haver; to ramble or babble incoherently. He's been havering all week.
Knock up; to bang on someone's door. Another tricky one. If someone asks if they should knock you up, they don't mean that!
Moggy: a cat. It Implies a cat more streetwise than your average "kitty."
Nonce: child-molester. The term may originate from when sex offenders were admitted as "non-specified offenders."
Pasty: (pronounced with a short "a" as in "hat") a meat or vegetable-filled pastry. Not to be confused with "pasties" (long "a") which are something a stripper might wear.
Pensioner; someone drawing their old age benefits, also known as an OAP.
Ponce; a man who is pretentious in an effeminate manner. A metrosexual.
Poof; slightly derogatory term for a gay man. Aka, poofter, woofter.
Potplant: a plant in a pot. Not a cannabis plant. AFAIK.
Public School; a private academy. State-run schools are grammar schools, state schools or elementaries. Yes, that's completely bass-ackwards.
Quid; pound. Equivalent of a "buck" to a dollar.
Randy: horny. One way of ensuring that Brits laugh at American sitcoms is to put someone in the program called Randy. Sentences such as "Hello, I’m Randy" have us doubled up on the sofa. (from The Septic's Companion)
Ring; phone, call up. A leftover from the old days when telephones actually did that.
Romp; a fun word for making love, it infers some rough and tumble.
Rubber: eraser. Another one to be careful of. Limeys visiting the United States are urged by the government to write this translation on the back of their hands and not to wash until they leave. (the Septic's Companion)
Septic; a Yank. From Cockney Rhyming slang. Septic tank=Yank.
Taking the piss; make fun of. I enjoy taking the piss out of Rushbo. Note taking THE, not taking A.
Toe-rag; a real scumbag. Not worth the rag you clean your toes with.
Trainspotter; a person who is a bit too engrossed in one subject. A bit of a nerd.
Up the duff; pregnant. Oi, she's up the duff again?
Whip-round; passing the hat, taking up a collection. There was a quick whip-round for flowers to send the boss.
Wife-beater: beer with high-alcohol content. Give me a a pint of wife beater. Brits do not use the American definition of the term.
Unfortunately, I have not had time to go into Cockney Rhyming Slang. It's quite fascinating and fun. Hopefully, we'll come back to it. In the meantime, have a look at this website on the subject:
http://www.cockneyrhymingslang.co.uk/
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Your turn, now. I know we have a few Brits and ex-Brits out there!