One year ago today, my husband and I got legally married on the courthouse steps of our county in Southern California. Most regulars here probably remember it; my diary about it made the Rec List and I got over 600 comments (only one of which was negative).
At the time, we never thought that our "progressive" state would overturn the hard-won judicial ruling that finally, finally granted us the right to marry.
On that day, my husband and I became one of 18,000 same-sex couples to marry in the heartbreakingly short window of June 17-November 4, 2008. Since November 4, I've been thinking of us as part of the 18K Club.
About three weeks ago, the California Supreme Court upheld Proposition 8 - but also upheld the marriages of the members of the 18K Club, including ours.
Come with me over the jump for an anniversary diary.
My husband and I have mixed feelings about celebrating our first wedding anniversary today. Yes, we're still legally married in the state of California and in any state that recognizes same-sex marriages performed in other states (which would be most of the Northeastern states, as well as Iowa).
But my friend Mark can't get married because he didn't jump for the window like we did. My friend Kevin can't, for the same reasons.
And if my husband and I were to divorce (not that that will EVER happen!) we'd both end up being third-class citizens just like Mark and Kevin have been ever since the ruling.
Third-class, you say? Yes. Because my husband and I are still second-class citizens even though we're members of the 18K Club. In fact, the entire 18K Club is.
Straight people can still marry, divorce, and remarry in this state. But members of the 18K Club? We're one-shot. We can't marry again; we can divorce, but we can't remarry if we do. That makes us second-class citizens, leaving those GLBTs who didn't marry at all in a distinctly third-class status.
Now, it's been argued that the only thing the fundamentalist homophobic crowd won with their Prop 8 campaign was control of a word - and that's how I read the ruling as well. But it still created three separate and distinct classes in the state of California - over a word. This didn't make the separate-but-equal situation better. It made it even worse.
We'll be seeing our kids tonight and taking them to dinner. We may even celebrate - a little. But it's going to feel hollow until there is no more 18K Club - until every G, L, B, and T out there in this state (and all the others) has the same rights that the straight people do: the right to MARRY our partners, with the freedom to divorce and REMARRY if that becomes necessary.
Until then, it's still separate and unequal. And we still have the 18K Club: Currently Not Accepting New Members Due To Idiotic State Supreme Court Decision.
I should make a T-shirt that says that and sell it on Cafepress.
So, "happy" anniversary to all of us. May we see see Prop 8 overturned by a federal court and marriage equality restored in California - and enacted everywhere else - by this time next year.
The fight goes on, folks. The fight goes on.