Lost in public policy dipense in general, and healthcare bones of contention in particular, is the role of the penis in governing, as well as penis health as a medical issue. In fact, given that the penis could be the most voluminous influencer of public policy, it seems unmindful that penis discussions would be largely absent from the ongoing wrangling here at Daily Kos and elsewhere.
Some think this country was conceived of "Christian values", and perhaps it was. After all, "the serpent was the most cunning of all the creatures that the Lord God hath made". "Serpent", of course, is a synonym for "penis".
It is not at all insubstantial that the monument erected to our first president is a giant phallus, representing the pressing influence of the penis on the growth of our nation and ever expanding influence over the throbbing masses of the world.
Consider first the extended effects the penis has had on public policy and world affairs. Had the "face that launched a thousand subpoenas", Monica Lewinski, not fellated new meaning into the term "slick willy", Al Gore would not have been handcuffed by, on the one hand, the desire to pound the successes of the Clinton administration while, on the other hand, embracing the prophylactic benefit of treating Clinton himself as something akin to an embarrassing chancre, and George Bush would not have been presented with the opportunity to, with instruments such as the Florida Republican apparatus and U.S. Supreme court, despoil the 2000 presidential election.
Furthermore, consider the fact that George Bush was allegedly coerced by his wife, Laura, into giving up drinking, and would never have penetrated the oval office had he remained a hopeless, idiotic, politically impotent drunk.
Now, I ask, what leverage did Mrs. Bush have over her husband? It is true the penis more often than not gets one into trouble, rather than out of it, but the prospect of not getting laid can and is often a motivating force on the path to the straight and narrow.
The medical situation I'd like to plunge into this first issue is that of penile fracture. (in medicine, everything regarding the penis is referred to as "penile", which is often confused with "penal", but that is a whole other topic.)
Penile fracture is a rupture of the tunica albuginea. This usually occurs when a stiff penis unintentionally slams really hard into something. Although rare, penile fracture most often occurs with young men, who are among the group most likely to simultaneously have an erection and no health insurance. The treatment for penile fracture is emergency surgery which is very expensive and humiliating.
Delay in treatment can lead to complications such as erectile dysfunction, penile curvature (bent penis) urethral damage, and pain during sexual intercourse or masturbation.
One of the ways penile fracture can happen is when the gluteus maximus, or even gluteus medius, crushes the penis as a result of a penetration "miss" during bouncy intercourse with the female (generally) on top.
I am reminded of a gratifying segment from the show My Name is Earl that I was watching with my wife and son in which Joy (Jaime Pressley) was answering questions from an application of some sort being read to her by Darnell. Darnell inquired: "sexual orientation?" To which Joy answered without hesitation, "reverse cowboy". My wife and I looked at each other and cracked up (don't read too much into that), then immediately looked at our 14 year old son in hopes that he didn't understand. But I digress.
In a nutshell, given all of the medical hazards, penile and otherwise, related to sexual intercourse, it is imperative that prior to engaging in carnal relations that both (or all) are in possession not only of contraceptives, but also adequate health insurance. (It is is also recommended to know, not necessarily in a biblical sense, a good attorney.)
It is ironic that young people, who have the most sex and least amount of health care coverage, and therefore stand to benefit the greatest from single payer universal healthcare, also represent the demographic least likely to vote.
Obama temporarily enhanced young voting to some degree, but as the dickheads in Congress deny the very change they voted for, apathy will set in and young people will enter a booth and pull the lever with less frequency in the future.
And somewhere in America, an exuberant, unlucky 20 year old will experience both penile and financial ruin due to some unexpected sexual misfortune.