-
-
-
From THE GREAT STATE OF MAINE...
Cheers and Jeers for Monday, January 26, 2004
CHEERS Howard Dean. Even his most ardent critics say his scream spin was masterful. Now polls have him moving up, and even Drudge is cutting him slack today. But too early to call him the Comeback Kid just yet.
CHEERS to John Kerry. Wow, I just saw him floating around a hockey arena...he even scored a goal. Now THAT'S where the final fight with Bush should be fought...and no refs!
JEERS to George W. Bush. Wimp-in-Chief clumsily attempts to wing reporters with a snowball as he boards presidential chopper. All the grenades were in Iraq.
CHEERS to David Kay. No WMDs. No imminent threat. Kudos, sir, for not spinning this sow's ear into a silk you-know-what. I've got 500+ good reasons to let impeachment hearings start now.
JEERS---big ones---to endless smug media coverage of Dean scream speech. Typical intro goes like this: "We know you've seen it a thousand times, but let's take one more look..." I have an idea, you smug assface, let's take a look at your gallbladder as it's ripped from your abdominal cavity on live TV. I'd pay money to see that a thousand times.
JEERS to Tim Russert. Scolds Michael Moore for "the general vs. the deserter" joke (yes, that WAS a gale of laughter that followed it). So a stray comment by an Oscar-winning filmmaker is worse than a 12-month gap in the military record of a sitting U.S. president. Oh, Ed Gillespie called, Tim...your elephant pin is in the mail.
CHEERS to Bill Murray. Wins Golden Schmooze---I mean, Globe---Award for "Lost in Translation," and gives classic Murray acceptance speech. On to Oscar!
CHEERS to "Return of the King." Takes top prize at Globes. Again, I say: On to Oscar!
JEERS to Mars hype. I hate to quote conservative radio loudmouth Mike Gallagher, but he's right: we're peeing our collective pants over a bunch of...rocks. And forgive me, but I'll get excited about the "traces of ice" as soon as they discover the "traces of Bacardi."
CHEERS to Dennis Miller. I don't care if he's giving Bush a "free pass." His new show will be a breath of fresh air (and competition for Daily Show). Bonus points for having a co-anchor that is---no kidding---a chimp.
CHEERS to cute, pert blonde chicks with sparkling teeth. They outnumber brunettes and redheads as network news anchors and correspondents by 3-to-1. Who knew that peroxide doubled as brain food?
JEERS to Morgan Spurlock. Filmmaker documents effects of eating nothing but McDonalds for 30 days and---big shock and awe!---he got fat and unhealthy. Oops...I just blew the ending. Jeers to me, too.
CHEERS to a mystery solved. My dentist now has cable TV in his rooms for patients to watch during exams. I can now categorically state that watching Fox News IS worse than getting your teeth scraped with a metal hook.
What are you cheering and jeering about today?
-
-
-