This will probably be a useless diary about me gushing about my husband, but since he won't let me gush at my friends lest I embarrass him, I am going to share with the dKos community. My incredibly supportive and feminist husband changed his last name to mine. Below is the email he sent to his family explaining it. To me this one of the many ways that our participation in the fight for marriage equality has strengthen and grown our relationship.
Dear Family,
So before any of y'all get alarmed, I wanted to share some news with you, none of which is bad, so please don't be worried.
My official name beginning today is B. Z. That may seem a bit strange (certainly doesn't sound normal to me), but I actually made this decision more than a year ago, when Z and I were thinking about starting a family (commencing with our wedding). Neither of us wanted to have a name that was different from our children, and I wasn't very excited about either of us hyphenating. Z is extremely proud of her heritage. Her family gave up a king's ransom to come to this country, risking their lives, so that they could make a better life for themselves. Z went on to get her PhD and never dreamed of being anything other than "Dr. Z." If I was in her shoes, I would feel the same way.
Why is it this is never a concern for men? What makes men so special that they get to keep their names and women must always change them? "That's just the way it's been" has never and will never be a satisfactory answer for me. In fact, it's an answer that's usually indicative of a model that works for no other reason.
So with that in mind, I decided to change my name, but waited until all my law school acceptance stuff was out of the way (didn't want confusion over records to hold up my acceptance anywhere). Today, as far as the DMV, the SSA and my bank are concerned, I'm no longer B. P but rather B. Z..
I wanted to tell all of you first because I didn't want you to notice it later and think I didn't think this was a big deal. It is a pretty big deal. Well, at least I thought it was, until I realized that millions of women have been doing it for generations. I guess it's not such a big deal after all.
And by the way: Z graciously offered to change her name several times. This was my decision, after which she made me reconsider several times.
If any of you are confused, dismayed, or even hurt, then I would love to talk with you one on one. But understand that with this change comes hope: babies ... when? Well, who knows...
Love,
-B. Z.
P.S. It could have been worse, you know, something like Ocho Cinco? I mean, I'm just saying.