The woods are lovely, dark and deep. But I have promises to keep,
and miles to go before I sleep. - Robert Frost
Oh boy! Sleep! That's when I'm a Viking! - Ralph Wiggum
GUS (Gave Up Smoking) is a community support diary for Kossacks in the midst of quitting smoking. Any supportive comments, suggestions or positive distractions are appreciated. If you are quitting or thinking of quitting, please -- join us! You can also click the GUS tag to view all diary posts, or access the GUS Library at dKosopedia for a great list of stop-smoking links. Check it out!
I was always a night owl. My long-suffering parents gave up on trying to make me stick to a reasonable bedtime when I was still a toddler, realizing that I just wasn't sleepy when kids were supposed to be sleepy. I kept myself entertained, creeping out and sitting quietly behind their chairs, watching exotic, prime-time TV shows and listening to grown-ups talking. I drew pictures. Eventually I'd get tired and put myself back to bed, dragging my stuffed froggie with me. I started reading in bed when I was four or so; by five, reading before I shut out the light was a nighttime ritual.
I always had a tough time getting into sleep mode at night. It's like my brain is missing an off switch or something.
My ability to get by on very little sleep helped in high school - I had to get up at 5:30 or 6:00 to be ready for the long, rural bus ride to school, and I had both after-school activities and a job at night. It wasn't unusual to work 30 hours a week when I was in school (and people wonder where I learned to be a workaholic!); I usually got home around 10:00 or 11:00 and got up at the crack of dark the next day. Some of it came naturally to me, but by now, coffee was also my friend.
A flock of sheep that leisurely pass by
One after one; the sound of rain, and bees
Murmuring; the fall of rivers, winds and seas,
Smooth fields, white sheets of water, and pure sky -
I've thought of all by turns, and still I lie
Sleepless...
- William Wordsworth "To Sleep"
In college, much to the envy of friends, I could pull all-nighters without the help of No-Doz or uppers (though I did down endless cups of coffee during finals). I made it through my first year on caffeine and adrenaline and a natural predisposition for getting too little sleep. And then, well, I discovered nicotine, and with it the ability to get by on less than four hours of sleep if I needed to...and even when I didn't need to.
This is a pattern that continued as I entered the working world. I spent my twenties and thirties jacked on caffeine and nicotine, working too many hours, sleeping too few. And my "solutions" to the insomnia that routinely visited me were sort of counter-intuitive, I must admit. My first response to tossing and turning was to get up, turn on the TV (and later, the computer) and have a smoke. Yes, stimulant intake and noisy, wordy distraction help SO much, right?
How do people go to sleep? I'm afraid I've lost the knack. I might try busting myself smartly over the temple with the night-light. I might repeat to myself, slowly and soothingly, a list of quotations beautiful from minds profound; if I can remember any of the damn things.
- Dorothy Parker
As I said, I'm missing that "off switch." For some reason, I can't shut my mind down sometimes...it just keeps on going and going and going and going, like the Energizer Bunny. I'd get into this insomniac pattern and know I needed rest, but when I was still smoking, that "just one more" cigarette of the night often wired me up for an hour or more. Extremely counterproductive. Eventually I figured out that lowering my caffeine intake might help (it did) and that doing things like hopping on the 'net or watching 3:00 AM infomercials were doing more harm than good. I was (and still am) plagued by Sunday-night pre-work week insomnia, but I've learned to deal with the predictable nature of that, at least. The occasional random bouts of insomnia I experience still throw me for a loop, though.
When I finally quit smoking - well, I was just a mess, sleep-wise. Accustomed to a post-midnight bedtime, I was freaked out to find myself sleepy at 6:00 PM...or 9:00 PM...or, heck, ANY time during the day. I craved naps, even though I'd never taken them, even as a wee child. I was mainlining caffeine to stay awake at work.
And just as surely as I'd find myself regularly dozing off before 10:00, I'd find myself wide awake at 2 or 3 or 4:30 AM...often remembering very weird dreams. I did the cold turkey thing, so for the first week, I was also dealing with muscle twitches, lung-clearing, and all manner of unpleasant stuff at night on top of the weird sleep thing. I'd smoke in my dreams, and I was terrified I'd wake up and, still out of it and forgetting I'd quit, go buy smokes - so I would hide my wallet before turning in. I'd prepare stuff to read or things to distract me so I wouldn't climb the walls.
I spent a lot of time pacing.
I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?
- Ernest Hemingway
Eventually, things calmed down. I had my usual Sunday-night insomnia, but that was it. My bedtime returned to the normal (for me) post-midnight hour, and I didn't wake up at night, or get up too early. Lately I've found myself conking out on the couch and then snapping awake at some crazy hour, then having to read myself back to sleep, and going to work on four or five hours of sleep, like the bad ol' days. I think part of it is the usual work stress, some of it is regular life stress, and some of it is the product of a very comfy couch (and a not-so-comfy bed!), but I'm mindful now of the old traps that keep me awake, so in that at least, I'm doing better than I used to.
Man should forget his anger before he lies down to sleep.
- Mohandas Gandhi
Anyone else dealing with weird sleep patterns? I know we have some Chantix people and crazy dreams come with the territory! How are you sleeping these days? Any suggestions for a chronic insomniac?
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