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From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...
Scott McClellan "guides" the people from atop his white stallion:
Reporter: How many journalists does the administration have...under contract to promote its programs?
McClellan: I'm not aware of any others that are under contract other than the one [Armstrong Williams] that's been reported on in the media. And questions have been raised about that arrangement. It ought to be looked into, and there are ways to look into matters of that nature. As a matter of principle, we believe very strongly that the media ought to be reporting in an objective, unbiased and fair manner. And so that's the principle upon which we believe people should be guided. And the government certainly has a responsibility to help when it comes to providing accurate information and helping to adhere to that principle.
How does he keep his vital organs going with so much of his brain switched off?
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Cheers and Jeers starts in the WorldCom Extended Entry Section... [Swoosh!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!]
Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, January 12, 2005...
By the Numbers:
Days `til elections in Iraq: 18
Percent of January that's over: 38%
Number of jobs being slashed by GM: 8,000
Number of consecutive years of job cuts at GM: 4
Number of still-active searches for WMDs in Iraq: 0
Number of WMDs found since March, 2003 invasion: 0
Your Puppy Pic of the Day: Snowball fight? "Bring...it...on!" http://www.excaliburkings.com/Sabre%209%20Months%20Snow_WEB.jpg
CHEERS to No Child Left Behind. At Cheers and Jeers, we support the president's bold vision for a nation where all children can grow, thrive, and realize their potential. After decades of neglect, our education system is finally getting the upgrade it needs, thanks to the leadership of George W. Bush. We'll be discussing this topic in greater detail throughout the year as we rally around our children. Except for a month-long all-expenses paid Caribbean vacation that just popped up on our calendar. But the point is...Go Kids!
CHEERS to Howard Dean. He formally throws his stethoscope in the ring as candidate for chairman of the Democratic National Committee, vowing to rebuild the party from the ground up. Kudos for this bit of common sense: "The Democratic Party needs a vibrant, forward-thinking, long-term presence in every single state...We can only win when we show up." Just not Wednesday night, please. West Wing.
JEERS to the weird monkey. Have you noticed? Any time George W. Bush nominates someone for something, the photo is always the same: candidate in focus...Bush out of focus with "Let's see if I can get away with this" expression: http://i.a.cnn.net/cnn/2005/ALLPOLITICS/01/11/homeland/top.bush.chertoff.ap.jpg. Creepy.
JEERS to Michael Chertoff. Two words, dude: "Eat something!"
CHEERS to getting off your butt. Ohmigod...with the wild weather on the Pacific coast, forecasters in L.A. have actually had to say something besides "Sunny and 75." Tell us, west-coasters...did their faces break?
JEERS to Iraq President George W. Allawi. For openly paying off the Iraq press in exchange for favorable coverage: http://news.ft.com/cms/s/a3828a0c-6346-11d9-bec2-00000e2511c8.html. Where do you think you are...the United States?
JEERS to the price of maintaining a pulse. Oh this is beautiful. Spending on health care in 2003 slowed for the first time in 7 years (to $1.7 Trillion)...but only because it was harder for the poor, the elderly and the handicapped to get it: http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/chronicle/archive/2005/01/11/BUGQ9AO5A11.DTL&typ
e=business. Well, that and one ungodly massive goiter extraction ("Cleanup in O.R. 6--and bring the hose!")
CHEERS to the trash-talkin' trailblazer. Howard Stern turns 51 today. If you haven't watched `Private Parts' in awhile, this is a good excuse to rent it (and, at the same time, catch a brilliant turn by Paul Giamatti as Stern's one-tantrum-away-from-a-heart-attack boss at WNBC). Happy Birthday, man...Siriusly.
CHEERS to the iPod Shuffle. For 99 bucks, you can store 240 songs. http://www.apple.com/ipodshuffle/. 10 if they're by the Grateful Dead.
JEERS to Lieberfying Canada. Bob's Newswire notes that the gent on the Canadian $5 bill bears a striking resemblance to a certain hawkish Democrat that most of aren't too fond of: http://www.bobsnewswire.com/BOBSFLASH_Lieberman.htm. No wonder the Canadians pronounce it "5 duller."
JEERS to terrorist thugs with badges. C&J regular Ralph brought this to out attention yesterday. In St. Paul, Minnesota, 85 year-old World War II veteran Leon Nins was stopped and apparently beaten up by a plain-clothes cop. Naturally HQ is backing the cop, who says he was the one who got his ass kicked: http://www.startribune.com/stories/462/5172556.html. If that's true, I want the name of the vitamins ol' Leon's taking (and I'll also be happy to release these monkeys from my butt).
CHEERS to $1.25. That's how much you'll have in your pocket with all 5 of this year's state quarters (California, Minnesota, Oregon, West Virginia and Kansas---which features a buffalo pooping out a sombrero). And I'll be darned if they aren't all lovely: http://catalog.usmint.gov/images/popup/Q05_popup.jpg. But no mention of Hollywood? That's just nuts.
JEERS to times we'd rather not relive. 10 years ago today, the O.J. Simpson trial got started. And proceeded quickly and quietly and is barely a footnote in legal history. Don't even know why we brought it up.
CHEERS to Days of the Dead. An exhibit of freeze-dried cadavers (brilliantly described in Mary Roach's book, `Stiff') is drawing record attendance at the California Science Center Museum, and will open in Chicago next month. Caution---graphic stuff: http://www.koerperwelten.com/en/pages/home.asp. Ooh! Ooh! I get dibs on being Freeze-dried Bloggerman!! (You'll know it's me by my grapefruit-sized carpel tunnel.)
CHEERS to humungo signatures. John Hancock turns 268 today. His is the largest signature on the Declaration of Independence, and he later won a Grammy for "Rockit." Shuffle your dancin' feet over here and pay your respects: http://www.findagrave.com/cgi-bin/fg.cgi?page=gr&GRid=440&pt=John%20Hancock.
JEERS to Drudge. Compared to http://www.rawstory.com/ and http://bobsnewswire.com ("I don't break the news. It's already broken."), li'l Matt's become li'l more than a shrill offshoot of The Weather Channel. As far as C&J is concerned, he's "developing," alright...into a bore.
One Year Ago in Cheers and Jeers...
JEERS to Michael Eisner. Disney micromanager shuts down Florida animation studio, which produced traditional 2-D flicks ("Mulan," "Lilo and Stitch") for 2/3 less money than their CA counterpart. Just in case you wonder about all those boarded-up offices on your next Disneyworld tour.
JEERS to Matt LeBlanc. Star pumps fist, acts surprised as "Friends" wins People's Choice Award. Hey Joey...you winners are tipped off well in advance so you'll actually attend this silly event. But nice try.
And just one more:
CHEERS to Rush Limbaugh. Oh, come on now...he's a birthday boy today---54 years old. And, in all sincerity, we applaud him for the way he supports our troops: http://www.chickenhawkcards.com/ww2poster.jpg. Ain't we lucky to have him?
Floor's open. Time to come on down to the WorldCom Scratch `n Dent Stock Sale for great bargains at great prices: http://www.lostbrain.com/graphics/wcomchart.gif. Golden parachute not included. See SEC for details.
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